Can't Help Falling In Love
by tccarty
Summary: Shepard has just become the first human Spectre, Commander of the Normandy, and charged with stopping the rogue Spectre Saren from destroying the galaxy as she knows it. But what keeps her up at night? Thoughts of a certain tall dark and handsome biotic, that's what. A Shenko fic. Rated T for some language, some violence, and fluff/smut. WIP.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers:**** Everything in the following fic is the propriety of bioware and ea. **

**A/N: I am going through the earlier chapters of this fic and am editing and rewriting much of it. Have finished 10 out of 15.  
****  
Warning: There will be times of OOC and AU moments. If that sort of thing bothers you, you've been warned.**

* * *

Kenyon "Kenny" Shepard, daughter of the Earth heroes Joseph and Hannah Shepard, god-daughter of the renowned Captain Anderson, sole survivor of the incident of Akuze, proud recipient of the Star of Terra. although, she used the thing as a paperweight, youngest marine to be accepted for the Alliance's N7 training, the first woman to be accepted into its elite ranks, the newly promoted commander, she still had trouble answering to that one, and the Executive Officer on board the most advanced Alliance warship on her maiden journey, for both the Normandy and her new commander, took a deep breath and entered the lift.

"Hanger fifty-two," she told the machine. And it moved her upward to her new posting.

There were always nerves. But this time was different; the butterflies in her stomach felt more like battling baby krogans. She was glad she hadn't been able to eat breakfast, otherwise her first stop on the Normandy might have been to the washrooms.

Kenyon wondered if her trinity of heroes ever felt the same way; Joseph and Hannah Shepard, and David Anderson. They must have, she thought, but it was hard to picture them that way. Well, maybe not her mother, she amended, Hannah had come out of the womb ordering the doctor and nurses around. A will that could only be matched by Kenny's spit-fire grandmother, Susan; a woman who had been born a generation too late.

She could almost hear them now. Her father would have laughed and said something about the adventure of it. Her mother would remind her of her duty and honor. And her grandmother would have told her to bring her back a souvenir; preferably one with a nice ass.

She only hoped that Anderson wouldn't pat her on the head as he had when she was younger; that would be all she needed.

The hanger wasn't as crowded as other sendoffs would have been, and for that she was grateful.

There were more than a few tearful goodbyes going on around her however. A young woman pressed her lips against a marine. A toddler held on to the legs of her mother, sobbing and screaming. She remembered feeling like that child, but her mother would have never allowed such behavior from her; even at that age. And an older couple said their goodbyes to their son; the young marine looking around embarrassed.

Didn't he know how lucky he was, she wondered.

Kenyon moved through the soldiers she would soon be in command of; their eyes on their new commander. She was used to it, and she knew what they would be thinking; whispering among themselves. Some days she didn't know what was harder, being a female in the Alliance, or being a Shepard.

And now the unpleasant rumors about her and Captain Anderson. She hated for him to be dragged into it.

There wouldn't be many women on the Normandy, she knew. Not that it mattered, women could be just as bad as the men; and sometimes worse. She was glad she had gone for the dress blue slacks though. A skirt would have stuck out too much; and it wouldn't have been her.

Kenyon wished everything else was as easy as picking out which uniform to put on.

Her skinny and petite frame always made her appear younger than she actually was. Her grandmother had often told her to appreciate this while it lasted. And whatever she wore she had a tendency to look like a little girl playing dress-up in her mother's clothing. Not to even mention the freckles that were sprinkled across her face; that she had never grown out of despite assurances to the contrary. Cute. She was cute. And she hated it. A soldier shouldn't be cute, much less an officer.

Kenyon's favorite feature, perhaps her only, were her eyes. A deep luminescent green; though they were only a rare side effect of gene therapy given to her while still in her mother's womb.

She sidestepped an Alliance reporter who quickly snapped her picture.

Kenyon had always known as far back as she could remember that she wanted to follow in her parents' footsteps and become a soldier. If she had played with dolls, as other girls did, they were games of war.

This is who she was. What she was meant to do.

Kenyon turned the corner and got her first look at the S.S.V Normandy. It was love at first sight.

She had always loved ships. Good thing considering she had spent most of her life on board one or another. It was land that made her feel confined. That was one thing the Shepard family had in common, some days the only thing, and that she had gotten a double dose of - wanderlust.

Kenyon had seen more than her fair share of ships in her life, but the Normandy was the most gorgeous vessel she had ever set her eyes on. Her streamlined shape seemed in motion even when still; it wanted to be moving as much as her commander did.

Home.

Her father would have loved her. With a wistful smile, she raised her omni-tool and quickly clicked a picture.

"She's something, isn't she?"

Kenyon jumped guiltily at the sound of the harsh voice behind her.

"Sir," she stumbled to put her omni-tool away, and saluted. It still seemed strange to salute this man. She remembered him swinging her in his strong arms when she was small.

Anderson smiled, his harshly lined face crinkling into a semblance of kindness that was surprising on such a hard face.

In a way she loved this man as much as she had loved her father. And she knew he thought of her as the daughter he never had.

Kenyon's eyes drifted back to the Normandy. The ship called to her.

"She's beautiful," she answered.

Anderson patted her on the back, at least it wasn't her head, and laughed. He dangled something in front of her face.

Her new dog tags. She took them from him, and traced her name etched on the surface. Kenyon David Shepard. Her fingers followed down to her rank and position. Commander. Executive Officer.

She proudly placed them around her neck, feeling a lump in her throat that she hoped didn't come to tears. It was silly, she knew, getting so emotional over an old Earth tradition like this. But for the first time it felt real.

"She's waiting for you," Anderson smiled widely; a favorite uncle with the best gift.

Kenyon answered it with a grin of her own.

As a child she would run ahead of her mother or father, whichever one she was with at the time, eager to get back into space. If she was with her father, he would run right behind her, and would place her on his shoulders.

She missed those days.

Anderson's own sadness was reflected in his eyes; with memories of his own.

"You coming, sir?"

"You go on ahead," he told her. "I'm waiting for...someone."

"Yes, sir." She almost forgot to salute.

Kenyon crossed the bridge alone, and looked back. She wondered who, or what if the rumors were true, the Captain was waiting for.

The krogan babies were back at it, although instead of fighting, they were now jumping in excitement.

* * *

"So, Shepard," Anderson swiveled his chair around at her entrance. It still felt odd to call this girl, woman now, as hard as it was for him to remember some days, by the name of his best friend. There was a lot of Joseph in her though; more with each passing year. "What do you think of the Normandy? Her crew?" Her opinion meant everything to him.

"I don't know, Captain," she shook her head; a hint of a smile touching her lips. "Crew seems like a bunch of troublemakers to me. We might need to crack the whip here." Her laughter broke through. It was a bittersweet sound to Anderson; she had the same laugh as her father. "Truth?" she grinned. I don't think you could have picked a finer group of people, Captain."

"Glad to hear it." He was confident in her and his choice. He knew Shepard was more than up for the challenge of being his Executive Officer. But he still worried about her. "I can personally vouch for everyone here. They're all good people." And he would never tell her that he had selected the entire crew with her in mind; that he had turned away good soldiers who would not have accepted her authority.

"It was a surprise seeing Joker," Kenyon giggled, and took a seat at the end of Anderson's workstation. The last time she had seen the Captain and the pilot together on the same ship, Anderson had threatened to throw Joker out of the airlock while still in flight.

"Joker tends to do things his own way," Anderson chuckled. "But there is no denying the boy's talent with a starship."

It was more than that, Kenyon knew. Flying was more of an extension of Joker's will than his own broken body was. That was what made him so good. Or as he would put it, the best damn pilot in the fleet.

"And Dr. Chakwas?" Kenyon teased, a wicked gleam in her green eyes. "She spoke very highly of you." As a rule she hated doctors, too many bad memories, but she liked this doctor. She reminded her of her grandmother, and the woman she might have been if she had been born just a little later.

"None of that," Anderson told her sternly. This side of Shepard was all Hannah. "Dr. Chakwas is one of the finest doctors in the service. And she was the best choice for this tour." Plus, she was one of the few doctors in the Alliance who could treat most of the Council species.

"Now, child," he leaned back, and tapped her knee, "don't you think it's time to start acting like a Commanding officer?"

Kenyon rolled her eyes at the use of the word 'child'.

"Yes, Uncle Anderson," she teased, and gave him a wide smile. She hadn't called him that in years.

"Perhaps you have a point," he smiled fondly. "I need to stop thinking of you as that small girl in pigtails."

"I never had pigtails," she pouted.

"Sure you did," he insisted gently. "Back when you came up to about my knee."

"Oh," Kenyon smirked playfully, "you mean back when you had hair?"

"I miss those days," Anderson replied softly. "I would have thought your mother would come to see you off." He had been looking forward to it and dreading it both; felt both disappointment and relief when she had not shown up.

"I asked her to," Kenyon shrugged. Her eyes were a storm of conflicting emotions. "Said it was fine for a soldier's parents to see them off, but not a Commander." She tapped her omni-tool. "I've taken lots of pictures though. She won't miss everything."

"Sure would be good to see her again." Anderson meant it too. Maybe it was time to mend things between them. "There is one thing she'll be missing though," he told her, "you. Give me your omni-tool so I can get one with you in it."

"Is that an order, Captain?" Kenyon smiled and removed her omni-tool. She could take her own picture, as they both knew, but she also knew this was a way for Anderson to connect with the friend he had lost. She would play along for now, and take another one with both of them together. And maybe her mother would remember the good times. "Just push here when you're ready."

Kenyon stood and moved over to the door. Then she posed and stuck her tongue out at Anderson.

"I should take that shot, and post it in the mess for everyone to see."

"You used to tell me my face would freeze that way," she laughed, "it never did."

Her smile took him back to a place he had almost forgotten.

And Anderson knew that was the shot. That was their Kenyon Shepard.


	2. Chapter 2

*** Updated**

Kaidan Akito Alenko, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, assuming his rank had not yet been stripped from him, remained standing in his cell; as he had been since he was first thrown in it. He didn't know how long ago that had been, although, not as long as it felt if the stubble on his face was anything to go by.

Little did those who were probably watching him knew. Back in BAaT this had been one of the favored punishments, and he had once gone thirty-six hours standing without a break; it had been another instructor who had finally stepped in to stop it. He had not broken then, and he wasn't about to this time either.

He wasn't a complete fool though, most of the time, when the Alliance Policeman had brought in his meal, there had been no stubble on his face then, he did eat it. He had left the roll behind on principle though. Probably not as good as his mother's baking anyway.

His mother called him proud. His father called him stubborn. And his last girlfriend,who had lasted a record seven months; five of those he had spent on duty, had called him pigheaded; among other things.

He only knew that he had broken once, and he refused to let it happen again.

The first time he saw Commander Henry Blake, the infamous Butcher of Torfan, Kaidan knew he hated him; not that he would hate him, but that he already did. The legend was smaller than he thought he would be. His eyes were just as cold as they were on the holos however; cold and crazy.

It was the Commander's laugh that he especially learned to hate, however.

That day, only two months ago, though, it felt like years, Blake had called his officers into the comm room for a surprise briefing. Kaidan paid little attention to what the commander was saying; the only time he got off the ship was shoreleave. He was thinking of the secret transfer he had finally asked the Alliance for.

"I just received a top priority mission from the Brass," Blake leaned against the comm console; his arms across his chest, and his ever present smirk on his lips. "There has been reports of an anti-Alliance terrorist group stationed in the Hawking Eta cluster masquerading as a peaceful commune. They have already killed two of our men sent to investigate." The console behind him showed the image of an older Alliance soldier. "This is Major Kyle, believed to be their leader. His followers call him Father Kyle. The orders are to end this threat by any means necessary. Every person in the compound is a danger to Alliance security and must be dealt with." He paused. "Killer."

Kaidan hated that name. He didn't even know how Blake had found out about his past; the records were sealed. Like it had never happened; as though it were that easy.

"S-sir?" There was something in the Commander's manner that made him even more nervous than usual.

"This one is all yours." Kaidan hadn't trusted the smile on the Commander's mouth. "There's one more thing," he continued, "Kyle's followers are biotics."

That was when Kaidan knew; Blake hated him as much as Kaidan hated the Commander.

The whole thing gave him a bad feeling, and things only got worse from there. At the end of the mission he felt good though, the first time in too long. But he knew it wouldn't last.

At least Blake waited until they were alone in the comm room after the debriefing before his anger exploded. The Commander grabbed Kaidan by the collar and pushed him against the console.

"What the hell do you call what you just did, Killer?" Blake yelled in his face; spit flying.

"A successful mission," he grinned in defiance.

"Funny, that's not what I would call it," Blake's voice lowered into a growl. "Your orders were to eliminate the threat. Instead, those traitor slime are going to walk free. I call this a complete failure."

Free? Kaidan doubted that. But at least the children would have a chance; the innocent. And he had made sure that Blake couldn't touch them.

It would be a lie to say that Kaidan wasn't afraid. But he knew he had done the right thing. Whatever happened to him Commander Blake couldn't take that away from him.

"Only you would consider a peaceful surrender as a failure, Butcher," Kaidan had no idea why he said it, but damn did it feel good. Stupid, but good.

Kaidan stood perfectly still as the fist met his face; a strange calmness had taken over him.

"You just made your biggest mistake, freak," Blake hissed; leaned in even closer. "You disobeyed my orders. I should kill you for that," he chuckled. "But I won't. I'll see you tried for this. Kicked out of the Alliance. How do you like the sound of that?"

Kaidan had to admit that Blake knew just where and how to hit; luckily for the Commander, Kaidan had learned when, and when not to, hit back.

He hadn't been able to fool himself though. He was in a lot of trouble this time.

He thought of his parents. His gentle mother had never understood why her only child had left medical school to join the Alliance. She still hoped for a Dr. Alenko in the family, and her worst fear was her son coming home with a GI Jane. And his father who may have understood but never fully approved.

Maybe, he had failed them; failed the Alliance. But he hadn't failed himself.

"Do you have anything to say, freak?"

Kaidan laughed. "I don't regret what I did," he spoke softly. "Can you say the same?"

Major Kyle had told him some interesting things about the Commander; information he planned on putting to good use.

He could have put up shields to absorb some of the damage, but he knew that would have only made things worse.

Afterward, Kaidan had woken up in the second cell of his life; first time in the brig though.

And now here he was in his fourth.

The cell door slid open. Good, he was getting bored anyway.

The Alliance Policeman that had thrown him in earlier entered.

"Lt. Alenko," the man told him, "we have orders to release you." Another Alliance Policeman tossed Kaidan's bag on the table. "And we follow orders here," he sneered. "The Normandy leaves at 10:00." His smile reminded Kaidan of Commander Blake. "If you hurry, you might make it."

* * *

Kaidan ran through the hanger expecting to be stopped again at any moment. He hadn't had time to change, or clean, after his release, and he probably looked and smelled as bad as he felt.

The Normandy's hanger was almost empty. Only loved ones remained behind waiting to see the starship leave; at least it hadn't yet.

He received more than a few strange looks; not that he could blame them. He kept his eyes down and was careful not to jostle anyone as he made his way through.

And then there she was. The Normandy. She was the most advanced warship in the whole Fleet. But she was more than that. She was -

Freedom.

Space was big. Really big. Big enough to lose, or find, himself in.

It was nice to have a home to go back to though; too bad this had been one visit he couldn't say he enjoyed.

He crossed the bridge, and showed the guard stationed by the door his Identification. The soldier looked from the papers to him a few times before he scanned him though with his hand-held and motioned him passed.

Kaidan breathed out a sigh of relief. He was on the Normandy. But now what?

He headed for the Combat Information Center to get his bearing, and was met with the last thing he would have expected to find on an Alliance warship. Well, one of the last things. His mother would have been more of a surprise.

Kaidan liked to think that his past hadn't tainted his present, or his future, but at the sight of the tuian his heart skipped a beat in fear. And when the very alien, not human, eyes turned his way he forgot to breath. They were the same color -

The taller turian continued past him; gave a turian nod of greeting that Kaidan automatically returned. He even remembered to place his fingers, five instead of the turian's three, on his shoulder as a show of respect. He read the surprise that crossed the alien's features, and his insect-like mandibles flickered in a friendly smile.

The grip on Kaidan's heart lessened. He knew more than anyone that monsters came in every shape. And not every monster was monstrous.

"Oh, man, do you know who that was?" Kaidan found himself joined by a younger marine; he didn't even look old enough to be out of bootcamp. "Nihlus Kyrik. The Spectre. The guy's a legend."

"You got a name, soldier?"

"Jenkins. Corporal Richard Jenkins," he paused with uncertainty, "sir."

"Kaidan Alenko. Staff Lieutenant. I'm looking for Captain Anderson. Any idea where he would be?"

"Should be in his cabin," Jenkins pointed behind him. "Commander Shepard was headed that way, I think."

"Commander Shepard?" The name seemed familiar, but it was common enough not to mean anything.

"Commander Shepard," Jenkins smiled, "the hero of Akuze."

The young marine clearly had a case of hero worship; Kaidan had had enough of heroes himself.

And Commander Shepard, he would probably be no different than the other 'heroes' he had met.

"I guess I better head that way myself."

There was something about Jenkins that reminded him of himself (back in the beginning); he hoped the youth would remain young and innocent longer than he had.

Kaidan headed for where he thought the Captain's cabin should be, but when he got there it was a lounge. Nothing on the Normandy was where, or how, it should be.

He spotted an older woman in a medical uniform and asked for directions.

"You're almost there," she gave him a kind smile, it reminded him of his mother's, "just around the corner. The Captain has an open door policy. Just go right in."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Anytime." She touched his shoulder in passing; Kaidan stiffened, he wasn't used to strangers touching him like that. Or anyone for that matter.

He found the cabin easily, but hesitated before the door. Blake would have personally killed anyone who entered his cabin, or his 'love shack' as he liked to say, unannounced, and he had to wonder if this was a prank on the new guy, although, the doctor hadn't seemed the type.

Kaidan took a deep breath, and with a headache forming blindingly behind his eyes, and Blake's cruel laughter in his ears, he opened the door.


	3. Chapter 3

******* Updated**

The first time Kaidan Alenko saw Kenyon Shepard there was a blinding flash of light, and he knew. Or so he would later like to think. Although, at the time he was just trying to figure out what the hell had hit him, and regain his balance. He was also cursing his luck. If only he had known.

He was still standing; that was good. He rubbed the implant at the back of his neck in an attempt to relieve his migraine. But there was none of the faintness or dizziness associated with passing out; only that strange light.

He had no idea what to make of it.

The first thing Kaidan saw, when he could see again, were a pair of the greenest eyes he had ever seen, they sparkled like emeralds, looking up at him in amused concern.

"I'm so sorry," the strange woman bit down on her bottom lip. "Are you okay?" She lightly touched his arm.

"Uh...," he couldn't think; not under that gaze. He felt completely turned around. He wondered who she was, and what she was doing there.

Kaidan never believed in love at first sight, and he never would, but he was lost from that first moment.

She covered her mouth with her hand and giggled.

Kaidan stiffened. He hated to be laughed at; it never came to any good. And he felt like the punchline to a joke he hadn't caught.

"Lt Alenko, I didn't think you were going to make it."

The words seemed to break him from his paralysis.

Captain Anderson. He had never met the Captain, but he knew of him; everyone knew of him. And he didn't seem to be too happy to see him.

"I was... detained, sir," he answered nervously. He wondered how much the Captain already knew; and if he had anything to do with it.

"So I heard," Anderson's lips twitched in what may have been called a smile. "Lt Alenko," he motioned to his female companion, and handed her the omni-tool in his hands, "this is Commander Shepard, the Normandy's Executive Officer." He paused. "Commander Shepard, this is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

This was Commander Shepard? He tried to mask his surprise. Her fair skin blushed, even her freckles seemed to redden. She hardly resembled a soldier, even less a Commander. In fact he had at first mistaken her for a civilian; perhaps the Captain's daughter. It appeared that the Normandy was going to be one surprise after another.

"It will be a pleasure to serve under you, ma'am," he reached for her hand.

The first time they touched there were sparks. And Kenyon would hear no different.

And that voice...smooth with just a hint of a drawl. When he spoke it felt like a caress down her spine.

The Lieutenant was tall, dark, and ruggedly handsome. Dark stubble covered a strong jaw and high cheek bones. His thick black hair was longer on top, and bangs fell into his eyes. He wore a rust colored bomber jacket, and held himself with a military bearing.

And when he took her hand there was a tingle; not painful, and almost pleasant.

Kenyon looked up into his eyes, and her breath got caught in her throat. He had eyes of the darkest amber with flecks of gold that seemed to glow in the dim light of the cabin.

Her mind flashed to those strange Old-Earth vids she used to watch with her father. She used to think they were the funniest things she had ever seen; they didn't seem so funny at the moment.

She imagined this Lieutenant bringing her hand up to his lips, and it didn't seem so funny at all. There was something of that Old-Earth in Kaidan Alenko.

He kept a hold on her hand. Or was she holding his? Should she let go first? Would that insult him? Or was he wondering how to let go of hers without insulting her?

Anderson cleared his throat; she had forgotten he was there. She wasn't sure which one of them snapped their hand away quicker; like teenagers caught making out. Or at least that was how she felt; he was probably thankful for the excuse to get away from his crazy new Commander.

Lt Alenko stepped away from her, and stood at attention; both hands behind his back.

"Commander," Anderson's voice was harsher than usual, "I need to speak with the Lieutenant in private. Tell Joker to get us out of here."

"Yes, sir." Kenyon felt like a child being sent out of the room while the grownups talked; there was a story here and she wanted to know what it was.

Or maybe, she was just too interested in the very handsome and very mysterious Lieutenant Alenko.

* * *

Kenyon entered the mess hours later; she looked towards the Captain's cabin, though, the Lieutenant was probably long gone.

She poured herself a cup of coffee. And because she was alone added a spoonful of cocoa.

She took a seat at the bench, stretched her legs out on the bench facing her, and took her first sip. She sighed and closed her eyes in pleasure. This was the first chance she got to sit down since coming aboard, and she deserved a little pleasure.

Which brought to mind a certain Lieutenant she had not thought of once since she last saw him; although, difficult to do when she had to keep reminding herself not to.

Kenyon brought up her mail on her omni-tool.

There was a message from her mother. It was typical Hannah. She knew her mother meant well, but she scanned the message with little emotion. Blah, blah, blah, honor, blah, blah, duty... it was always the same. And at the end, stay out of trouble, love Mom.

Kenyon smiled to herself thinking of a certain tall, dark, and handsome trouble; probably not what her mother had in mind.

She clicked through her pictures she had taken, and there it was.

She looked a mess, no surprise there; it hadn't exactly been her best moment.

The Lieutenant was something else though. Caught in the surprising moment he looked good; better than good with his brooding bedroom eyes, and that frown on his lips.

She chuckled softly, he was so serious, she doubted he got rattled very often.

No. She couldn't do this. She wasn't going to think of the Lieutenant at all. She wasn't going to think of those so very kissable lips of his. And not those dreamy eyes of his either. Nope. And definitely not that voice...

His eyes reminded her of drinking hot cocoa on a cold day. His arms around her, and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. She thought of his lips brushing against her neck...

She recalled the touch of his hand on hers, and wondered how his touch would feel on other parts of her body...

Kaidan Alenko entered the mess.

The meeting with Anderson had gone better than he had expected. And after showering and shaving he felt like himself again.

He would have felt better if his thoughts had not kept drifting back to a pair of green eyes.

Kaidan had tried not to think of her; and it had made it worse. He felt mesmerized. Bewitched. And hungry. Maybe food would straighten out his mind.

He stopped.

There she was... Commander Shepard. She had her omni-tool open, but she was looking off to the side with a slight smile on her lips. She was obviously daydreaming, and something pleasing by the look on her face.

And, he was suddenly much warmer than he had been a minute before.

Kenyon woke and remembered where she was. Embarrassed she looked up to see if anyone had caught her.

It was worse, much worse, than she could have imagined. There he was, the object of her very vivid fantasy, in the flesh, and looking her way with a disapproving scowl on his perfect face.

She forced herself to smile at him, when what she really wanted to do was dive under the table and hide; if she could even move.

Kaidan felt like an idiot. The Commander had caught him staring at her like a love sick fool. And now she was giving him that same smile from before that seemed to be laughing at him.

He would pretend nothing had happened; nothing had happened.

She had probably received a message from her boyfriend when he walked in. There was no way a woman like her was single. The thought in no way made him feel any better.

The Lieutenant had cleaned up; nicely too. He gave a tight smile back; that same slightly condescending smirk from before. And he was headed her way...

Kenyon quickly pressed 'send' and closed the photo album on her omni-tool before he could see what she had been looking at.

The closer he came, the harder her heart beat in her chest.

... and then with a brief nod he continued past her.

She didn't know what to feel: disappointment or relief.

Kenyon reopened her omni-tool. And the words 'send all' flashed on the holo screen. It had just sent every picture in its memory to her mother.

She put her head down and laughed.

Kenyon had a feeling that Lt Kaidan Alenko wasn't going to be anything but trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

******* Updated**

Jeff "Joker" Moreau only felt whole when he was flying. And it had been too long.

He slowly, but eagerly, eased down into the pilot's seat; used the strength in his arms to maneuver his weaker legs carefully beneath the console. He removed the attachments around his biceps and collapsed the crutches, and placed them beside his feet.

He lightly, and lovingly, caressed the boards in front him. As though introducing himself to a new lover.

It was times like these that he remembered that boy that he had been.

Jeff had been a boy of seven and he was frantically trying to escape from the enemy ship flying behind him. His own ship shook with the speed he was giving it and with the impact of the fighter nipping at his tail.

He was winning though. He had it and he knew it. He was one with the machine.

The lights above his head flashed red. And before him a large asteroid appeared seemingly from nowhere. It was too big, and he was moving too fast. He was going to crash. Game over.

Jeff gritted his teeth together, not if he could help it. His palms greased in sweat he turned off the thrusters and spun beneath the obstacle.

The lights flashed quicker and quicker; at any moment he expected the buzzer that would tell him he was done.

It hadn't come though. And the green calming lights showed him what he already knew; his ploy had worked, he grinned, as he knew it would.

The other ship was still behind him, but the asteroid had lost him time.

Jeff laughed. He couldn't believe it. He was actually going to win this time.

And then he remembered.

Be safe, his mother always told him. Be safe. Go unnoticed.

To be noticed was danger. She knew it. He knew it.

He hated it. But he did it. He purposely overheated the engine. And when the asteroid field at the end of the run appeared he knew he was finished.

When the buzzer sounded within the cockpit Jeff knew it as a sort of victory.

The defeat was still bitter though.

Jeff eased his way out of the flight simulation pod. He leaned into the support of his crutches. The pressure rubbing painfully against the ever present bruises.

The older boy smiled his way; a smile that was anything but friendly. I'm better than you and I know it, the smile said.

"Almost had me there," he said, "maybe next time."

Jeff responded in something weak, dumb, and not at all what he wanted to say.

"Yeah," he said to the older boy. It wasn't smart to start any trouble with someone that could break him with just looking at him in the wrong way.

He hobbled his way out of the flight class. This had been a bad idea. It always felt good while it lasted. But the bitter disappointment was hard to swallow. He would try to stay away longer this time. He would be back though he knew.

He never learned.

Jeff watched the group of teenagers warily as he passed; as he would a pack of wild dogs. He always watched.

Be careful of yourself, his mother said. Be careful of those around you.

Any surprise could send him to the hospital, or worse, he knew.

The teens talked loudly and laughed louder.

His mother was always quiet. Wanted him to be quiet. As though sound itself could break him.

He moved slowly through the hanger on his way home. Or what served as home. Home was a place he barely remembered. With a father who didn't know what to do with him.

Lost in his thoughts, feeling sorry for himself, he almost didn't notice the woman or the girl.

The woman breezed by him. All grace and elegance. Tall and thin. Long straight black hair pulled into a perfect braid.

The girl was small. He thought she might have been around his own age. She held onto the woman's hand and looked back at him. Freckles across a pixie face. Messy brown hair in pigtails. And curious bright green eyes.

She tugged on her mother's hand.

"Mommy what's wrong with that boy?" she asked in innocence.

The woman looked back. Her eyes swept over him showing nothing of her thoughts.

"It's not nice to stare, Kenny."

That's right, Jeff thought. Teach her not to look. Not to see.

The girl, Kenny he supposed, what kind of name was that for a girl anyway, looked back at him again. She bit the side of her lip in thought.

The woman, had to be her mother, though, they didn't look much alike, pointed something out to her ahead of them.

The girl whipped her head around and screeched. She broke from her mother's hand and ran.

"Daddy!" she screamed.

She sprinted towards him and laughed loudly as he picked her up and swung her around in a circle.

The man was dressed in an Alliance uniform; must have been from that ship that came in for emergency maintenance. He had the same pixie face as the daughter, and the same freckles. Red curly hair fell in his eyes. And his wide mouth was spread in an even wider smile.

The woman was subdued but there was a thin grin on her lips.

The man grabbed her in an awkwardly rough hug and kissed her.

The girl hugged them both. Her giggles reaching Jeff.

The jealously tasted even more bitter than the loss at the flight game had been. And the guilt. He kept his head down as he passed by the family.

Jeff didn't realize where he was going until he was there.

The Alliance ship.

The other ships on the station were waiting to be born. But this one was alive.

He made his way carefully across the ramp. Pictured himself as a hero from one of his favorite old vids. In his mind he was sure and confident. With blasters at his side. He was the best. And he knew it.

He was a hero.

The boy hobbled through the empty ship trying to be as quiet as he could be. The ship was sleeping but it was more than alive. It had lived. He could feel the battles, the real battles, that she must have been through.

Jeff entered the cockpit.

He knew he shouldn't have. He knew he couldn't. He eased his way into the seat.

He was too small. The seat was too big. But it was perfect. A perfect fit. He grinned.

Jeff fingered the controls. Softly. Lovingly. In respect. Awe.

In his imagination he was the hotshot pilot. The hero every boy wanted to be. That every girl wanted to be with. Outrunning the enemy. Faithful sidekick at his side.

And at first the laugh seemed to come from his furry companion of his mind.

"Well, what do we have here?"

Jeff twisted quickly in the seat in fear.

The man who asked the question was big. No, he was huge. A tall man with a harsh face and kind light eyes.

"I'm Jeff...Jeff Moreau," he stuttered nervously. "My mom works on the ships here."

"You're Mary Moreau's son," he smiled. "You going to be pilot when you grow up?"

He didn't know what made him say it. It could never happen. Would never happen. Not for someone like him. Not outside of dreams and games.

"Yeah," he answered softly. "I am."

Jeff saw the moment that the man noticed. He always hated it. But this time was different. Pity in this man's eyes did something to him. Something that reminded him of the disappointment in his father's.

"Good for you, son." He patted Jeff on the shoulder, causing the boy some pain. "Who knows? Maybe one day you'll fly for me."

His eyes said he knew that would never happen though.

"I will," Jeff responded with a resolve he didn't know he had. A strength he had hidden.

He would, he decided then. However hard it was. However impossible. He'd show him. Show everyone. Show himself.

Jeff sneaked away from his mother easily enough, as he always did. He was more nervous than usual though. This time he was planning more trouble than usual. A lot more.

In the off hours the station was dark and quiet. Someone else might think it was eerie. But not to Jeff. It was a time of freedom for the boy. A time for himself.

He headed towards the Alliance ship feeling just as brave as those heroes he was always dreaming he was.

Jeff again made his way across the ramp.

At the door he used the code key he had lifted from his mother. It would open. He would enter. And he would...he almost had second thoughts. It was crazy. And he wasn't built for crazy.

Jeff took a deep breath. He had to do this. He couldn't go back. He was tired of being that boy. The one who hid. The one who let others win. The one who was invisible.

He swiped the card across the lock and...

"What are you doing?"

Jeff choked on his breath. Turned quickly and almost lost his balance.

It was the girl. The one from before. The one with the boy's name. She had a piece of her hair in her mouth that she chewed on.

"What are you doing to Un-Commander Anderson's ship?" she asked again.

"I'm...uh...nothing." He hid the card behind his back.

"Looked like you were trying to get in," the girl smiled.

Was she for real, Jeff wondered. He should leave while he still could. This was a stupid idea anyway.

"No," he shook his head. "I was just...looking. I'll be going now." He shifted his crutches to leave but she didn't take the hint. Didn't move out of his way. And he couldn't get past her.

"I can help," she declared. She gently took the code key from behind his back and unlocked the lock. "Come on." She moved past him into the ship. "What's your name anyway?"

"J-Jeff," he hesitated. If he followed the girl was he in less or more trouble with her.

"Mine's Kenyon," she held out her hand for a shake. "You can call me Kenny though. Everyone does."

Jeff looked down at her hand helpless. A part of him wanted to touch her. A part of him was afraid to.

She giggled and softly touched his hand with her fingers.

"Where were you going to go?" she tilted her head in question.

"The cockpit."

"Are you a ship thief Mr. Moreau?" she demanded, hands on her hips.

"Not." He shook his head. Not really. It was only a thought. A wish. A dream. "Was just going to look."

"Okay." She clapped her hands together and skipped towards the cockpit.

Kenny was crazy, Jeff decided. Definitely crazy.

She was humming a silly song he didn't know. One she probably made up.

"I'm going to be a Commander one day like Un-Commander Anderson," she told him between the nonsense words. "And I'll have a ship like this." She brought her hands out as though already claiming the ship.

Jeff again took to the pilot's seat. And it was right.

"You'll be a pilot," the girl did her sort of singing thing. "And I'll be a Commander."

Kenny stopped and suddenly turned to him. A seriousness in her green eyes that hadn't been there before. "Maybe we'll serve together," she grinned.

Jeff sighed. He hoped not. He really hoped not. He didn't think he could take this crazy girl.

Though, of course, he never had stood a chance against her.

Joker laughed at the memories. He was more fond of them than he'd ever let on.

And she had been right, hadn't she? They both were.

And the Normandy was a fine ship. The best in the Alliance.

Good thing she had the best damned pilot.

Joker grinned and started her up.


	5. Chapter 5

******* Updated**

"Hitting relay in three... two... "

Kaidan took a deep breath and held it in. If anything was going to go wrong with the jump it would be now. If there were any miscalculations, however slight, they wouldn't even know it; it would be too late.

His mind thought of a pair of vibrantly green eyes.

"... one," Joker finished the countdown. "And lightspeed ahead." He took the Normandy into the relay.

Entering a relay always reminded Kaidan of a roller-coaster. In those brief moments the vessel was completely out mortal hands; weightless and helpless. More than a few soldiers found they couldn't take the sensation; his father had been one.

Every vein in Kaidan's body tingled with the power of the element zero in the relay as they passed through its core. He felt... alive.

"Thrusters... check. Navigation... check. Internal emissions engaged. All systems online," Joker leaned back in satisfaction. "Drift just under 1500K."

Nihlus bent forward between the two humans and checked the monitor for himself. He clicked deep in his throat. "1500 is good. Your Captain will be pleased." The Spectre straightened, the top of his fringe nearly touching the roof of the cockpit. "I will inform him that the jump was a success."

Joker grunted. "Good," he mumbled. "Good. That guy has it out for me."

"Nihlus gave you a compliment," Kaidan spoke softly, "so he hates you?"

"Pfft," Joker humphed. "That wasn't a compliment. That was a pat on the head for the cute little human pilot. What I just did was a slam dunk from the nosebleed section, no, from the lobby, and he treats it like Fido playing catch."

Kaidan could have told the pilot that any compliment from a turian was hard won but always earned. And they would never waste praise on anything as useless as a dog. But he also knew that the pilot had taken the jump faster than he had needed to. He was cocky, arrogant, and careless. And Kaidan did not like him.

"That was awesome -" Jenkins came onto the bridge.

"Finally," Joker smiled in triumph, "someone recognizes my greatness."

"- I just ran into Nihlus," the young man grinned like an even younger boy, "and he-"

"I hate that guy. What makes him so great anyway?"

"He's a Spectre," Jenkins answered, as though it were that simple.

"Damn turian," Joker complained. "Watched my every move like I didn't know what I was doing. What's a Spectre even doing here? I bet he's spying for the Council or something."

"You're being paranoid," Kaidan spoke without lifting his eyes from the console in front of him. "Without the Council the Normandy would never have been built. They have the right to send a representative."

"A heavily armed representative," the pilot pointed out. "They don't send Spectres on ribbon cutting ceremonies. There's more going on here than we're being told. Which isn't much."

Kaidan tensed. He didn't have to like it, but the pilot had a point. There was a lot of secrecy, and speculations, going around.

"Maybe he's here to recruit," Jenkins quietly added.

Joker rolled his eyes. "Who kid? You?"

"No... of course not," the young man stammered embarrassed. "I was thinking... well... Commander Shepard."

"Shepard? A Spectre?" Joker laughed. "And they say I come up with crazy theories."

"It isn't crazy." Kaidan could tell that the Corporal was more insulted for his idol than he was for himself. "Spectres can get any mission done. They can survive the impossible. Just like Shepard and Aluze-"

"Hey," Joker cut the younger man off, his voice suddenly more serious than it had been before. "You shouldn't mention that... not here. It isn't exactly a good memory for the Commander. You know?"

"Of course not... I mean... I didn't mean... I just respect her," Jenkins swallowed nervously. "We all do."

Right. They all do, Joker thought in disgust. They all treat her like some kind of actress from a stupid vid.

Akuze. There was that word again. It tickled the back of Kaidan's mind. He knew he should know it.

"What happend at Akuze?"

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind them caused the three men to jump in surprise.

"C-C-ommander... I didn't mean..."

"It's okay, Jenkins," Kenyon smiled kindly. "Why don't you see if Chakwas needs any help?"

"Yes, ma'am," he answered, clearly relieved. "Thank you, ma'am."

Kenyon wanted to laugh; the thought that anyone could be frightened of her was ridiculous and absurd.

"So Commander," Joker turned, "how long were you standing there?"

"Long enough to hear you three acting like a bunch of teenage girls."

"Hey, don't blame me." He pointed to Alenko. "It was all Alenko's fault. Don't let that quiet act fool you."

Kenyon looked over at the Lieutenant. His jaw was so tense it looked ready to crack.

"Sorry, ma'am," Kaidan softly apologized. Why did he keep making a fool of himself in front of the Commander?

Kenyon got the impression that the Lieutenant didn't like her much. Not that she could blame him. She sighed.

"Status report," she ordered Joker.

"Just passed the relay, Commander," he answered. "Do I get to know where we're headed now? Or do I get a blindfold?"

Kenyon detected the hurt in his voice. He thought that Anderson had not trusted him enough with the information; and that neither had she. She couldn't tell him that she had not been told herself until a few minutes before.

"Eden Prime," she told him.

"Why Eden Prime?" Joker asked, raised his brow. "If there is a bright center to the universe, Eden Prime is the planet that is farthest from it."

"Our official mission is to test out the stealth systems."

"Official, huh?" Joker snorted. "Fine don't tell me."

Traveling to an out-of-the-way colony world, one that was known to be unfriendly to the Alliance to test out a stealth system that should have already been tested? Kenyon hated to agree with Joker, but something wasn't right here.

Plus, there was Nihlus.

"What about the comm systems, Lt Alenko?" Kenyon had a job to do, they all did; and if she felt a quickening addressing the Lieutenant she chose to ignore it.

"Almost up and running, Commander," Kaidan answered, he felt the heat of her gaze on the back of his neck. Maybe he needed to get his implant checked out.

"Good," she continued, "the Captain wants us linked into the network before we arrive on Eden Prime."

Kenyon's personal comm link buzzed in her ear.

"Shepard here," she answered, and turned away.

"I need you in the comm room, Commander," Anderson's voice came through loudly. "Anderson out."

"Sounds like somebody's in trouble," Joker sang out.

"Joker," Kenyon warned. She loved Joker, though sometimes she had to remind herself, but there were times he went too far. And she was worried about Anderson. "The Captain sounds stressed. Something must have happened with the mission."

"Pfft," Joker humphed, "don't worry about it. The Captain always sounds stressed when he talks to me."

Kaidan grunted. "I can't possibly imagine why," he mumbled.

"Hey-"

"I better go see what the Captain wants," Kenyon was smiling. "Play nice boys," she chuckled.

Kaidan watched Shepard leave through the monitors; there was definitely something about her. And he couldn't deny that her form-fitting armor fit her in all the right places. All the wrong places too, if the way she tugged on the back was any indication, he smiled.

Joker coughed in an obvious ploy of distraction.

Kaidan snapped back to his work; work that was quickly finished now that the Commander was gone.

"Everything looks to be in order."

"The comm systems? Or the Commander?" Joker had to shake his head; like he wouldn't notice the way the other man was ogling Kenyon. It was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. "Not that I can blame you. Not with that view. Makes you wonder if the Alliance's armor was designed by a bunch of horny teenagers."

Kaidan cleared his throat. "Uh...both?"

"Oh, man," Joker sighed. "Don't go there. Don't even think about it." He cocked his thumb behind them. "A woman like that? She eats men like you for breakfast."

"She... ah... doesn't seem like... a … um... mankiller."

"Dude!" Joker exclaimed. "That's the worst kind. Like a venus flytrap. They make you think they're innocent pretty little flowers and then... Bam. She's got you in her trap."

"So... you... know this from experience... you and the Commander...?" Kaidan had noticed the ease they had around each other. And the jealousy he had felt.

"Hell no! Do I like stupid to you?" Joker could no longer hold back his grin. As if, though, Alenko didn't need to know that. And didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun with the man. "Wait don't answer that." He paused. "And anyway, Anderson has an absolutely zero tolerance approach to fraternization. Especially in connection to his golden girl. So keep it zipped up if you don't want to lose it. When she's around think of elcor pole dancers, or something."

Kaidan pictured the elephant-like species trying to strip and laughed; a surprisingly warm sound from the cold man.

"Hey, you do have a sense of humor. I was beginning to think you had been born without one."

Maybe the Lieutenant wouldn't be so bad after all. He better not cause any trouble for Kenny though; or there would be trouble... for him.

* * *

Kenyon entered the comm room and pulled up short at the sight of Anderson. He had his back to her. And a monitor was on above his head, showing a picturesque planet.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"I did." He did not turn around, but motioned her attention the the screen. "Eden Prime. What do you think of her?"

"It's... uh... beautiful," she shrugged, confused, "I guess."

"Is that all it means to you?"

"It was our first and our longest running colony, sir."

"It's a symbol, Shepard. Our future. All that we will accomplish. At least that is what it was supposed to be. The best of us." Anderson turned off the monitor and finally turned to face her. "It is our first step to independence."

"Yes, sir." Kenyon had never seen the Captain in this sort of mood, he was usually a man of action with no time for sentimental ponderings. This wasn't like him. And there was a tiredness in his eyes that made her uneasy. She had a bad feeling about what was coming. "Anderson?"

"Are we ready for this, Shepard?"

"I... don't know what you mean, sir," she answered, unsure.

"I... know that," he said almost too softly to hear. "I only hope you can forgive me when you hear what I have to say."

Kenyon had nothing to say; there was nothing she could say.

She turned to the sound of the door behind her sliding open.

Nihlus silently entered. The turian. The turian Spectre. She should have figured he played into this in some way.

Kenyon liked to think she was an open-minded and fair person, but the moment those avian eyes met hers she knew the primal fear that her parents and grandparents must have felt when they first found out they were not alone in the universe. She felt like prey trapped by the gaze of a predator.

"Have you told her?" Nihlus asked Anderson.

"No," Anderson answered, "not yet."

"What's going on here?"

"It's time you knew the truth, Commander," Anderson told her. "This mission to Eden Prime is a lot more than a simple shakedown run."

Kenyon had a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

******* Updated**

"What's going on here, Captain?" Kenyon asked.

"Our mission on Eden Prime isn't to test the stealth systems," Anderson sighed, and looked to Nihlus. Kenyon didn't like the way the Spectre nodded as though he were the one in charge the operation. "The colonists unearthed some kind of artifact. And we're here to pick it up."

For who? The Alliance? Or the Council?

"Why the secrecy, sir?"

"This mission is under the highest level of security, Shepard. I was told of our true objective only a few moments before I called you in here."

"A fact I apologize for, Captain," Nihlus interjected. "You should have been better prepared for what we are facing. But the Council feared news of this getting out. And your Alliance agreed."

"What are we talking about here?" Kenyon wasn't sure who to direct the question towards. "What sort of artifact is this?"

"It isn't just any artifact, Shepard," Anderson answered. "There's reason to believe it is Prothean."

"Prothean?"

She thought of everything she knew of the Protheans; it wasn't much. They were a mythological alien race thought to have lived thousands of years ago. Most scholars didn't even believe they ever existed. They were like a galactic Atlantis.

"You can understand the need for secrecy," Nihlus added.

Kenyon could. The last time humanity had come in contact with a supposedly Prothean relic it had started a war with the then unknown turians.

"This doesn't explain why you're here," she turned to the Spectre. "Are we working for the Alliance or the Council?"

"Commander, Nihlus is here on behalf of the Council," Anderson paused. "As are we."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that this is too big to handle on our own, Shepard," Anderson answered. "We needed the Council for this."

"A find like this affects the entire galaxy," Nihlus added. "It should belong to us all."

Kenyon didn't know much about politics, but she could tell there was more to this than was being said, and she wondered if the Alliance had tried to keep the discovery from the Council.

"What is this artifact anyway?" she asked.

"It's a beacon," Anderson answered. "Dormant. But intact."

"We believe it is some kind of data bank," Nihlus elaborated. "Others of its kind have been found before. But never in this good of a condition. The Council hopes to get it working and retrieve the information stored inside of it."

"This is big, Shepard," Anderson spoke. "There's no telling what's stored in that beacon. It can't fall into the wrong hands."

"Our orders are stop anyone who gets in our way," Nihlus added. "This includes any of the colonists."

Kenyon didn't like the sound of that.

"You sound worried."

"Cautious, Commander," he corrected. "We need to be ready for anything."

"Do you think there will be trouble?"

"I think we should be ready for it."

And anything that made a Spectre cautious should make her terrified.

"You'll be in charge of the ground team, Commander," Anderson said. "NIhlus will accompany you in a support position only. This is your mission, Shepard."

It made sense. These colonists hate the Council more than the Alliance, and most of them have probably never even seen a turian.

"Yes, sir. I won't disappoint you," she promised. She hoped she wouldn't. "It will be an honor to have you," she said to Nihlus.

"The honor will be mine," Nihlus gave a slight bow in the turian tradition. "However, the beacon is not the only reason why I am here." He turned his gaze on Anderson. "Do you wish to tell her?" he asked. "Or shall I?"

"No. I owe it to her to be the one to tell." Anderson nervously rubbed his hands together. "Nihlus is also here to evaluate you. You've been selected as a candidate for the Spectres, Shepard."

Kenyon laughed out loud. She couldn't help it. Her? A Spectre? It had to be a joke. Only it wasn't.

"There must be some sort of mistake," she shook her head. "I can't be a Spectre."

"No mistake, Shepard," Anderson replied. "The Alliance put your name forward as a candidate. And the Council agreed to an evaluation."

"Why me?" She felt sick. This couldn't be happening. "There's nothing special about me."

"Your records state otherwise, Commander," Nihlus answered. "Not many could have survived as you did on Akuze. Whether you see it or not, you have the qualities we look for in the Spectre program."

"That was... just luck." Neither good or bad; only luck.

"My people do not believe in luck, Commander," Nihlus countered. "Luck is for the weak. Luck is an excuse for the unworthy. Luck is for other people. Not us. That is why I accepted the chance to test you. I believe in you. Not luck."

Kenyon sighed. He didn't understand, couldn't understand.

"Captain," Nihlus turned to Anderson in her silence, "with your leave I should begin my report to the Council before we arrive on Eden Prime."

"Not that you need it," Anderson smiled wearily, "but you have it." He waited until the Spectre was gone. "I know you're not happy with this, Shepard. But we need this. We need you."

"What about what I want? What I need?"

"You know more than anyone that sometimes certain sacrifices are needed," Anderson reminded her. "This is bigger than me. Bigger than you. Bigger than all of us."

Kenyon knew he was right. And coming from anyone else she might even agree. But coming from a man she thought of as family, it felt like a betrayal.

"You said the Alliance put my name forward. Did you have something to do with that?'

"Shepard...," he nodded helplessly, "I did. Along with Admiral Hackett and Ambassador Udina."

"When was this decided?"

"About a year ago. The Council agreed to the recommendation around six months later."

Anderson knew. This whole time he had known and said nothing. How could he have done this to her?

"Does my mother know too?"

"No," he shook his head. "This process has been conducted with the highest level of security. We expect you not to speak of it either, until it becomes official."

Her mother didn't know. And when she found out she would hate Anderson even more than she ever had.

Kenyon wanted to get mad. She wanted to scream. And fight. She wanted to cry. But none of these things would help her now.

"What now?"

"Now?" Anderson answered her. "Now we get that beacon and get it on the Normandy ASAP. As for what comes after... That's up to you."

"And if I go along with this?" As if she had any other choice.

"Then Nihlus stays on to evaluate you. If he passes you, you can then receive Spectre training on the Citadel."

It was a huge opportunity. Both for herself and for the Alliance. Even for humanity as a whole. So, why did she feel so... so empty?

"What are we expecting on Eden Prime?"

"If everything goes according to plan, nothing. I'm sending Alenko and Jenkins down with you. The Lieutenant's tech knowledge might come in handy. And the Corporal is from there. I figure the locals might be more welcoming to one of their own."

"Will we be alone?"

"There's a small Alliance base on the outskirts of the colony. They will assist in the operation." Anderson reached out and touched her arm softly. "I don't have to remind you how important this is. You're no longer a child, Commander."

She hadn't been for a long time.

"Then maybe you should stop treating me like one, Captain," she snapped, and jerked away from his touch.

Anderson sighed sadly. "I know you're upset, Shepard. We'll talk more when you return. But now you have a job to do. Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up."

"Aye, aye, sir," she saluted.

Kenyon knew something had just changed between them.

* * *

"You're going down with us, Alenko. Suit up," Kenyon gave the order.

"Yes, ma'am." Alenko stood and moved around her, careful not to brush against her.

She hadn't expected the same level of excitement that Jenkins had given the news, but there was something about the Lieutenant that was hard for her to get a handle on. And she was usually good at reading people.

He didn't seem to like her very much though. Didn't seem to like much of anything really.

She watched him walk away with a small grin on her face. Her grandmother would have definitely approved of the Lieutenant's assets though.

Joker chuckled. "See something you like, Commander?"

Kenyon blushed at getting caught. She leaned against Joker's seat. "What do you know of the Lieutenant?"

"You mean other than the manly mutton chops and a chin that could moonlight as a nut cracker?" he smirked her way. "Or maybe you'd be more interested to hear that he's a spy for the Alliance."

"I'm serious, Joker," she rolled her eyes. She should have known better than to get a straight answer out of him. And anyway, they were not mutton chops.

"So am I. One, everyone here has worked with Anderson before. But not Alenko. Two, the crew was handpicked by the Captain himself months before the Normandy was even finished. But Alenko doesn't show up until two days before departure. And he wasn't signed in by the Captain like the rest of us. Three the man who had his post in the listings got pulled from it the same day Alenko was added." Joker shrugged. "Plus, he's a biotic."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You know what they say about biotics. They can read minds. Use powers of mind control. Get you to spill your darkest secrets. Sounds like the perfect spy to me."

"You don't actually believe any of that do you?" Sometimes it was hard to tell with Joker.

"Sure they'd deny it. Who wouldn't. There would be a witch hunt if people learned the truth." He shrugged. "I'm not a biotic. You're not a biotic. Who's to say what they can and can't do? Some specialists claim they can make your head explode with just a thought," he snorted. "Not sure I believe that one."

Kenyon chuckled. "Oh, I don't know, you might want to be careful around Alenko. If anyone can get someone angry enough to pop their heads, it's definitely you, Joker." She stroked her chin in thought. "Actually, come to think of it, I think he did give you the evil eye a couple of times. You better watch yourself."

"Maybe it's you who should be careful," he smirked. "Mind control, Commander. Some guys might be tempted enough to use that power to create a love slave or two." He laughed. "There's also a rumor he's the Captain's illegitimate son," he added. "But that's just ridiculous."

"Yes, and thinking we have an Alliance spy on board, that clearly shows a balanced mind."

"Hey, I have solid evidence to prove my claim...", he paused, and fiddled with the controls in front of him. "Uh..., Commander, I think you better take a look at this." His voice, usually so sure, had a slight tremor.

Kenyon leaned forward and took a look at the monitor. The live feed was coming from Eden Prime and... damn.

"Captain, I have something you need to see," Joker spoke into the comm.

It appeared the mission had just gotten a lot more interesting.


	7. Chapter 7

******* Updated**

Corporal Richard Jenkins had not planned on joining the Alliance. It had been nothing but chance and a simple twist of fate. And a longing for something more.

He had joined the service to run away from home.

And here he was again for the first time since he left. Only it was nothing like he had imagined his homecoming to be. He was supposed to have returned a hero. Instead, he felt helpless, as though he had failed his family, his people, by leaving them. As though all of this was somehow his fault.

The colonists of Eden Prime had left war behind them. But war had come to them.

Jenkins felt sick. He was angry. Someone had done this, and someone was going to pay.

It was even worse than Kenyon had thought it would be. There was nothing but fire, smoke, and death all around them. It burned her eyes and her throat. The smell burned itself into her nose.

Eden Prime was supposed to have been a heaven, a new beginning for humanity, and instead it had turned into a hell.

Who could have done this much damage, so quickly, and why? And where were they now?

Nihlus spotted the bodies first. The turian pulled to a stop. "Commander, you and the Lieutenant investigate the casualties. I will take the Corporal and scout out ahead."

"Good thinking," Kenyon silently thanked the quick thinking Spectre. This wasn't something Jenkins needed to see. He shouldn't have even been there, but as Anderson had reminded, his knowledge of the colony might come in handy. She understood the reason, she might agree, but it didn't mean she had to like it. She would make sure to order him to see a when this was done.

Kenyon watched them move away. The Spectre was vigilant to the potential danger around them, but Jenkins appeared to be in shock. He had been so excited for this mission when he heard that Nihlus would be with them. It didn't seem fair to her.

She turned away and readied her shotgun. She had to trust that Nihlus would take care of Jenkins.

Alenko came up beside her.

"This can't be easy on him. To see your home like this...," Kaidan's voice faded away. He thought of his own home, his family, and he just couldn't imagine it.

Kenyon had never known a real home, but she understood loss.

"Keep alert for danger," she ordered.

The bodies of the colonists had been piled together and then burned. Not just burned, incinerated. No simple fire had done this much damage.

Kenyon took watch while Alenko knelt down to examine the remains.

"Any idea what sort of weapon did this?"

Kaidan held his breath. He hated this part of the job. The would-be doctor who couldn't take death and so became a soldier. It was almost funny.

He lifted an arm, and tried to ignore the sound of ripping flesh; the smell of cooked meat. He closed his eyes and begged that he wouldn't get sick in front of the Commander. He had to do this, for the ones who couldn't say who had done this to them.

"I don't think this is what killed them, Commander."

"What do you mean?" She glanced down, concentrating on the Lieutenant's eyes instead of what lay at their feet. She liked the warm compassion she saw in their dark depths; maybe he wasn't as cold as she had thought he was.

"These burns, they were made after death."

"To hide what actually killed them," she realized. She didn't like it. This had been a well-organized attack. She had too many questions and not enough answers. And she had a feeling it was only going to get worse.

Kenyon's comm link beeped.

"Commander," Nihlus' voice came through, "we found something you should see."

They found the Spectre standing in front of a broken synthetic body. Jenkins stood off to the side, looking out into the red horizon, and perhaps remembering it as it should have been.

"Security mech?" Alenko asked. He knelt to get a better look and to scan the disabled machine with his omni-tool.

Kenyon's eyes were on Alenko as he bent down, and she would have to have been dead herself not to have appreciated the sight. The tight armor fit the man like a second skin, leaving very little to the imagination, and the Lieutenant had a very nice form.

Nihlus cleared his throat, the sound somehow conveying amusement.

Right, she snapped out of it. Death and destruction here. No getting distracted by a -

Kenyon faced the turian and she swore she saw a smile on his alien features. Great, she wondered how much of this was going into his report. She could see it now: The Commander has a weakness for the male of her species and is therefore unfit for becoming a Spectre.

"What do you think, Commander?"

Huh... about... ?

The confusion she felt must have shown on her face because the turian nodded toward the downed mech.

Get it together, Kenyon.

She looked down. The mech had three fingers on each hand and it's legs were designed to move in a manner that was very un-human. It was a model she was unfamiliar with, but there was one thing she knew...

"This thing wasn't constructed by humans," she answered. "It must have come from off world."

"Good reasoning, Commander. I wonder, how much do you know about the geth?"

The geth? Now that Nihlus had drawn her attention to it, the mech did remind her somewhat of their creators, the quarians, or at least their suits; no one remembered what they looked like underneath them.

"What would the geth want with Prothean technology?" she wondered.

"The geth haven't ventured outside the veil in over one thousand years," Alenko added. "Why now?"

Alenko carefully removed a piece of machinery from the inactive synthetic, brought the item up to his nose and took a whiff. Kenyon smiled at the action, she almost expected him to give the object a taste as well, like a curious cat.

"I think it fried itself out after the shot disabled it," he announced. So anyone wouldn't be able to analyze the data core. Smart.

Shots rang out in the distance like thunder.

Kenyon readied her shotgun and turned in the direction the noise had come from. "There may be survivors," she said. Alenko stood to her side, his own weapon out. They were joined by Jenkins.

"The dig site is in the opposite direction," Nihlus pointed out.

"No!" Jenkins begged Shepard. "If someone is out there we have to go rescue them!"

Anderson had pressed that the beacon was their top priority, but...

"If we find survivors, they might be able to tell us more about the attack," Alenko calmly added.

Kenyon gave the Lieutenant a small smile in thanks. "We should split up. I'll take Jenkins," she wanted to keep an eye on the distraught marine herself. "You and Alenko can go on ahead to the meeting site."

"You take both." The Spectre checked his heavy assault rifle. "I work faster on my own anyway. Meet up with me when you can."

Kenyon had a feeling she had just ruined any chances she had of becoming a Spectre herself. It wasn't as though she even wanted the position anyway. Did she?

"Jenkins, you're behind me. Alenko, you cover our backs," she ordered. "Let's go."

When it happened it was quick. A stupid mistake. Kenyon was anticipating a ground assault, not one from the air.

As fate would have it, it was Jenkins who noticed them first. He saw the things responsible for this attack on his home. The monsters. Blinded by rage he yelled and rushed forward.

"Jenkins-," Alenko called, and pushed forward trying to reach the younger man.

"Stand down!" Kenyon yelled out, but by then it was already too late. Jenkins was downed, and Alenko would be next if she didn't do something to stop him.

It was just like Akuze... No! She wouldn't let it happen again.

She grabbed Alenko and ran for the cover of a nearby boulder.

Kaidan was slammed against the rocky surface back first, and there was a moment of confused shock. Everything had happened so quickly.

The Commander was pressed up against him, face to face, her gorgeous eyes wide with shock and fear. He felt her quickened breath against his own. But the quickness of his heartbeat had absolutely nothing to do with the danger in front of them.

His uncontrolled biotics flared out around them.

The Lieutenant's barrier tingled against her in an almost sensual way. And she couldn't look away from his eyes. They glowed with a bright gold ring around their pupils. They were beautiful. And the quickness of her breath had absolutely nothing to do with the danger in front of them.

The continuing fire woke her.

Kenyon quickly flipped, finding cover on the other side of the large boulder. She switched to her mobile sniper rifle and calmly took aim, while Alenko shorted the drones with shots of overload from his omni-tool. It was quick work taking down the drones working as a team.

Alenko reached Jenkins first. She didn't hold out much hope, if he were going to get up he would have already.

The Lieutenant looked up at her approach. "He's gone," he told her. "Never even put up his shields."

Kenyon sighed. How had she missed something so obvious? She was supposed to protect him, and she had failed.

The sound of more shots fired thundered ahead of them, a lot closer than before.

"We need to get moving," she reminded Alenko.

Alenko nodded silently, and softly brushed the young man's staring eyes closed. He grabbed one of the dog tags from around Jenkins' throat before standing.

Kenyon knew how he felt, but there was no time to do anything more for the Corporal, the best thing they could do for him now, the only thing, was to save his colony. She would make sure he received a proper hero's funeral after this was finished, not that it would do him any good.

She kicked one of the broken drones out of the way as they passed it.

The sounds of battle was coming from around a looping bend in the path. She quickly moved forward.

The terrain was open with hardly any cover, and there was one survivor trying to hide behind a low rock. A soldier in Alliance armor. Three geth, like the disabled one they examined, stalking towards the cover.

This was going to be a quick and chancy battle.

"Go in hard," she ordered Alenko. "Let's end this quickly."

Kenyon activated her shields and ran in. She didn't even bother aiming with her pistol, and when she got close enough she switched to her shotgun.

She took down two on her own, and saw the last one get blasted with another overload before Alenko blew off its head with a well placed pistol shot. She briefly wondered why he wasn't using any biotic attacks.

Alenko moved towards the survivor first.

The soldier stood and took off her helmet. "Are you in charge here, sir?"

Kenyon saw that she was young and pretty. She had mocha colored skin, full lips, dark eyes, and even in bulky armor she could see that the woman had a voluptuous form that she could only wish for. She was everything Kenyon wasn't.

And was that pink armor she was wearing? Who was she? Alliance Patriot Barbie?

"No," Kenyon stepped forward. "That would be me." Why did everyone always assume the man outranked the woman? Still. Even after all these years, and all this distance from Earth.

"Oh," the stranger gave a sheepish smile. "Am I glad you came when you did. I thought I was finished. I really did." She held out her hand to shake. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212." She gave a nervous laugh. "I don't know how to thank you for the help."

Kenyon felt guilty. This soldier had gone through a hell she understood only too well. Who was she to judge anything about her?

"Commander Shepard," she smiled back, and shook her hand. "This is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko." She liked the taste of the Lieutenant's first name on her tongue. It was a name she had never heard before, and it had an exotic flavor.

"Are you injured, Williams?" Alenko softly inquired. He was already reaching for an omni-gel application from his pack.

"A few scrapes and burns. Nothing serious. I've been lucky." She took a deep breath. "We were on patrol when the attack came. It happened so fast, there wasn't any warning. Some of us got away... we ran," she had to stop. "It's the beacon isn't it? Why they came? Why you're here?"

"Are there any other survivors?" Kenyon gently asked first.

"Not here... I was the last - I don't think any of the others..."

"It's fine, Williams. That's enough," Kenyon told her. She knew that Ashley had gone through something that would haunt her for the rest of her life. But first they needed to get her, and themselves, out of this. "We need to get to the dig site. Do you know where we can find it?"

"Well enough to know you're heading in the wrong direction," she smiled. "It's back where you from. Around the hill and to the left... I think."

"Good, you can be our guide."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," Williams readied her assault rifle. "It's time to pay these things back."

Kenyon couldn't agree more. And these things had a lot to answer for.

"Move out!"


	8. Chapter 8

******* Updated**

A Williams had to be better than the best. A Williams had to never give up. Never give in. A Williams could never surrender. And...

A Williams never ran.

But she had. And if not for the arrival of the Commander and Lieutenant she would be dead now with the rest of her squad.

Commander Shepard. Of all the soldiers who could have come to her rescue, it had to be Shepard. The Alliance's Golden Girl.

Ashley had to admit though, she seemed to be as good as they said. The Commander moved with an agility and grace that she could never match. The Commander was subtle, and Ashley was anything but subtle.

The Chief trained her mobile sniper rifle on one of the synthetics and blew off its head. She grinned. She knew it wouldn't make a difference, there were too many to take care of them all, and even if they could it wouldn't bring back her squad, and it wouldn't bring back her honor, but it was savagely satisfying all the same.

After the battle, Shepard stepped away from their small group and investigated the machines.

The Lieutenant's quiet eyes never left his Commander. Ashley took it upon herself to watch for another attack. "Did you two come alone?" she asked him.

"No," he flinched. "There was another. We... lost him."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she softly replied back. He nodded. There was nothing to say, nothing that could be said, and they both knew it.

"There was also a Spectre, a turian by the name of Nihlus. But we got separated and haven't heard from him since."

A Spectre. A turian Spectre. She shouldn't be surprised with the way things have been going.

Shepard returned holding one of the mech's weaponry. "Does this look familiar, Williams?" She handed it over. "Did it come from the colony?"

Ashley turned the weapon over in her hands. It appeared to be some sort of hybrid between a shotgun and assault rifle. She had never seen anything like it before. "No, Commander," she uneasily returned it. "Eden Prime is a peaceful farming community. They have strict laws against guns." Didn't help them though, did it?

The Lieutenant took the weapon from Shepard. "It seems to be made from the same material as the geth themselves are, Commander," he announced.

Geth? The day just kept getting better and better.

"We need to get to that dig site," Shepard bit down on her lip. "Williams?"

"The work camp is just up that ramp," she pointed. "The dig site is on the other side."

Kenyon led them up the ramp ready for anything. It was quiet though; a little too quiet. The camp appeared to be empty. Equipment and tools lay where they had fallen from workers' hands. There was no sign of struggle. It was as though the workers had just gotten up and left.

"There should be workers here," Williams said in a low whisper. "Where are they?"

"Maybe they got away?" Alenko whispered back.

Kenyon knew how they felt, this place was like a tomb. "Keep your guard up," she ordered. There was something very wrong, and the sooner they got out here the better.

Off in the distance she caught a glimpse of something that didn't seem to belong. She couldn't say why, but it raised the hair on the back of her neck. She moved towards it.

As she got closer she could see that they were some kind of constructs in a row that ended in thick spikes about twelve feet from the ground. And at the top of each spike hung some sort of humanoid synthetic. Kenyon stepped forward for a closer look. Suddenly the spikes started to draw down, she jumped back.

"Back! Stay back!" she warned Alenko and Williams. She had no idea what to expect, but whatever was about to happen couldn't be good. She stepped back, carefully holding her shotgun ready.

The first of the things worked itself off of the spike, soon to be followed by the others. There were about seven of them in all.

Kenyon was no stranger to fear, but this was something else entirely.

One of them pulled away from the pack and ran towards them. Its mouth open in a moaning scream that made the three marines break out in a cold sweat.

"What the hell-" Alenko whispered.

"Don't let them come near," Kenyon called out. "Whatever you do, don't let these things near you. We have no idea what they are." She fired her weapon, the thing jerked back and continued to advance.

Alenko aimed an overload at one that was getting too close. It stopped in its tracks and screamed, louder than before as though it were in pain.

Kenyon quieted it.

Williams fired quick bursts of fire from her assault rifle into the tightly grouped monstrosities.

Whatever the things were, they fought in an unorganized manner and it wasn't long before the last of them was down.

The three of them stood together, equally silent. Finally Alenko approached one of the fallen forms.

"Be careful," Kenyon cautioned. She almost expected them to get back up again like a zombie in one of Joker's bad vids.

Kaidan removed his gloves and cautiously touched the body. The blue skin was softer than it looked, more human in texture than was comfortable. And when he touched the glowing veins running throughout the form there was a charge of energy that shocked his finger, like biotics.

He had never heard of any synthetic like this.

Kaidan scanned his omni-tool over it fearing what he would discover. He was afraid there was something worse than death here. A lot worse.

"What does it say?" Shepard asked, close behind him.

"Data corruption. Findings inconclusive," he gulped. "40 percent possibility... human."

Williams pulled something free from one of the spikes and held it up. A tan work shirt. "I think we found the workers," she gave a humorless laugh.

Kenyon looked around, and now that she knew what to look for she noted more of the spikes, each with more bodies attached to them.

Her comm link beeped; she wasn't the only one to jump.

"Shepard."

"Commander. I am at the dig site. The beacon has been moved. There is a port up ahead. I want to check it out. Meet me there as soon as you can. Nihlus out."

Kenyon took one last look at the other devices. She wished they had more time to put the other workers out of any misery they may be going through, but they didn't. She knew one thing though, the dead of Eden Prime had been the lucky ones.

* * *

Kenyon hit the controls and the tram to the port started to move slowly under their feet.

The horizon below them showed the extent of the damage to the colony world. The devastation was more widespread than she had thought. This seemed personal. Eden Prime would never be the same after this; if she survived.

Kenyon's comm gave a short beep and died out.

"Shepard here," she answered. She tapped on the small device in her ear. "Nihlus? Can you repeat that? You aren't coming through." She turned to Alenko. "Alenko, tap into the signal and see if you can do anything about it."

Alenko linked the comm channel and opened his omni-tool.

"Com-der... -peat. I fou- -eacon. -ome quickly. -tact Nor-ndy. I - Sar-n? What are you doing here?"

The following gunshot came in loud and clear.

"Nihlus!" Kenyon screamed. "Answer me! Nihlus?!" The comm went completely dead. Kenyon took a deep breath, thinking. "It sounded as though he ran into someone. Someone he knew. Did you catch the name, Alenko?"

"It... wasn't clear, Commander," Kaidan answered carefully. Saren. It had sounded a lot like Saren. A name that filled him with dread.

"Normandy? This is Commander Shepard...," she tried to reach the ship. "Come in. Come in Normandy. This is Commander Shepard." There was only silence. "No answer. Looks like we're on our own."

The tram jerked to a stop, and there was nothing else to do but go forward.

"We need to find that beacon quickly and-"

"What is that?" Williams pointed. "Off in the distance."

Kenyon felt it before she saw it. A cold tingle on the back of her neck. A cold pressure on the back of her mind. She turned slowly and the sight of it stilled her heart and froze her breath.

"It's huge," Williams whispered in awe.

"It must be the geth ship," Alenko added.

He was wrong, Kenyon knew. The geth couldn't have made anything like this. It was huge. Like a beast in the sky. A serpent of the stars. Alive.

She had failed. Jenkins. Nihlus. Anderson. Her mother. Her father. She had failed everyone. And she was alone. Just like Akuze...

Kaidan thought of the gods he didn't believe in...

And Ashley thought of the evil that she did believe in...

The behemoth continued its vertical lift until it was gone from sight.

The pressure was gone, and Kenyon could breath again. The fear reluctantly let go of her heart. This wasn't Akuze. And she wasn't alone. She had Alenko and Williams. And she wasn't going to fail them. She wasn't going to lose them too.

She just hoped that the strange ship had nothing to do with the Normandy's silence.

"Let's finish this and get out of here."

Kenyon had a feeling that this was a lot bigger than Eden Prime; and a lot bigger than herself.

The geth might be fearsome fighting machines, but they were only that, machines. There was something else at work here. Someone. She was going to find out who, and what was really going on here.

She entered the port first. And there it was, the thing worth all of this. The beacon stood upright and tall. Proud and indifferent. And active.

"That's the beacon," Williams confirmed. "But it wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up. It was nothing but ugly metal."

"It's beautiful," Kaidan breathed out.

Kenyon didn't like it.

"Commander... this your turian?" Williams called out.

The turian lay near the beacon; a gunshot to the chest, and his dimmed eyes open to nothing.

"It's Nihlus," Alenko confirmed quietly.

"Someone did this," Kenyon bent down to close those accusing eyes; she couldn't bear them looking at her. "Someone he trusted." Alenko gently grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Turians believe in facing death, Commander," he explained. "You would dishonor him."

Kenyon nodded that she understood. Had someone done this to Nihlus not knowing about turian tradition? Or was this done by someone who knew of it, and honored this fallen warrior?

Alenko released his hold on her and left her to her thoughts.

Kenyon stood and moved away from the Spectre's body, and tried to reach the Normandy again. "Normandy, this is Commander Shepard..."

Kaidan moved closer to the beacon. He was drawn to it. It was like nothing he had ever seen, or felt, before, but somehow familiar. It hummed with whispers of power, and the biotic energy in his blood answered back. The closer he got to it, the stronger the pull was.

The light glowing from within it reminded him of... her... Shepard. And it was warm.

"... Shepard," Kenyon was still getting nothing online. She fought back panic. And fear. "Alenko-," she turned in time to see the Lieutenant walk towards the beacon with his hand reached out towards it. He seemed to be in some sort of daze.

The strange energy from the beacon flowed towards him and grabbed him. Kenyon started to run before it started to drag him in.

She wouldn't let it have him.

Kenyon tackled him from behind, but he weakly fought back against her. And the same energy that had pulled him in pushed against her. Williams came forward to help and Kenyon shoved the resisting Lieutenant to her. "Get... him... away... from... this... thing," she struggled for breath.

Williams dragged Alenko away. But Kenyon herself was now trapped as he had been. She couldn't move. And she was cold... so cold.

Ashley watched in horror as the beacon's energy lifted the Commander off of her feet.

Shepard's scream of pain woke Kaidan as though from a dream, or a nightmare. "Shepard!" He struggled against Williams' hold.

"No, you can't," she held on. "It's too dangerous."

He had to get to her. He had to- His biotics answered his call and threw Williams off of him.

Kaidan scrambled towards her... towards both of them. But he was halted by intense pain. It felt like every migraine he ever had striking him at once. He couldn't get any closer. He couldn't even move.

Kenyon thought the pain would never stop, and then suddenly it did. And there was only the cold, and the darkness.

She was flung away from the beacon. And the artifact begun to crack; finally splitting in half, broken.

The pain lifted from Kaidan and he crawled to his Commander. Shepard was pale, and cold to the touch. He felt along her face, her neck, there was no breath, and no pulse. Kaidan gathered her into his arms and held her close. He shut his eyes.

Killer. Is that all he was? All he'd ever be? This should be him. Not her.

Kenyon knew nothing... and then... there was warmth.

Shepard shuddered and gasped against his chest. She opened her eyes, and they glowed like the light of the now broken beacon.

Kaidan had never seen a more beautiful sight. He held her face in his hands.

"Alenko," she whispered, and traced his cheek with her finger. "Knew you were going to be trouble." She smiled faintly.

Kaidan laughed in relief.

Kenyon snuggled into his warmth and closed her eyes. The darkness returned. But now she was safe.


	9. Chapter 9

***Updated**

Anderson didn't even bother to hit the lights as he entered his cabin.

It had all gone wrong. The beacon was destroyed. The colony was nearly lost. And a Spectre had been killed under Alliance command. The Council wasn't going to be happy. And the one responsible for it all had gotten away. Saren. It couldn't be a coincidence. It had to be him. He could feel it.

He sat at his desk and brought up the mail interface on his computer. Not surprisingly it was full of unread messages.

Anderson was tired. In mind, body, and spirit. But rest would be a long time coming.

He folded his hands in front of him and held his head. Closed his eyes.

The Council and the Alliance could keep their games. For him this was personal. He had left one of his own down there. And another... and another was in a comatose state that she wouldn't wake from... may never wake from.

Kenyon.

He thought of her laying in the med bay. She was so small. So fragile. She looked so much like her father. So much like...

Joseph Shepard answered the door.

"David," he smiled when he saw who it was, "thought you'd be gone by now."

"Soon," Anderson gestured to the weapon in his friend's hand. "Were you expecting someone else?" he chuckled. Nothing really surprised him anymore, not when it came to Shepard.

The two men couldn't have been more different. Complete opposites. But somehow they fit. Each missing what they other had. They were a perfect team.

"This?" The smaller man looked down as though he had forgotten what he held, and knowing Joseph he probably had. "Nah," he shrugged. "We were just playing," his smile widened. "Come on in." He opened the door wider.

"Uncle Anderson," Joseph's young daughter waved to him, with a smile even wider than her father's, and in her hands another 'toy'. "You're letting her play with guns now?" Anderson asked of him. From anyone else this would surprise him, but not from Shepard.

"What?" Joseph grinned innocently. "They're unloaded. Though," he looked down at Kenny, "it might be best if we don't tell mommy. Right, honey?"

"Right!" Kenny grinned back.

Not for the first time he thought that Hannah had her hands full with the two of them. Though, from the state of their small apartment, it was obvious to him that she wasn't home. There were toys everywhere, both Joseph's and Kenny's, and it was clear the room hadn't been cleaned, or picked up, in sometime. Hannah would not be happy to see the mess.

Joseph tossed blankets and pillows off of the only sofa; taking a part a makeshift fort. He motioned to an open pizza container on the floor. "Hungry?" he asked David. "It's-," he smelled a piece and made a face. "It was fresh last night."

Anderson chuckled. "No, I'm good." Seeing Joseph and Kenny together, at home, being a family, he almost changed his mind, and later would wish he had, but he had needed him. "I need to speak to you, Shepard." He looked down at Kenny. "Alone."

The smile Joseph gave to his daughter was strained. "Go play without me, honey," he kissed her on the head. "I'll be right with you."

Anderson looked away; nearby on the floor was a pile of little girl dolls and a dead grenade.

"What is this about?" Shepard didn't seem so happy to see him anymore.

"There's trouble in the outer rim," he explained. "Batarian pirates are hitting our colonies. We're being sent out to assess the threat."

"You're being sent out," Joseph played with the doll in his hand. "I'm off duty."

"I'd like you on my crew, Shepard."

"Are you asking as a friend?" Joseph looked up. "Or is this an order from my Commander?"

"I'm asking you, Shepard. This isn't an order," Anderson sighed, their friendship hadn't been quite the same since he became a commanding officer. "But I don't need to remind you what Captain Bishop is like. I need men I can trust on this mission."

"He's a bastard and we both know it."

"It's bad, Shepard," Anderson pressed his advantage. "They hit the colonies hard. Kill the adults. They take the children as slaves."

Joseph closed his eyes and Anderson knew he was thinking of that little girl in the other room waiting for him. He was too. And of all those other children who were playing all too real games of war.

"I can't bring Kenny into that," his friend argued softly. "And Hannah isn't due back for another three months."

Anderson had wanted to let it go then, but he hadn't; he needed Shepard. Bishop wouldn't care for the colonists, for the children, and he needed someone who did. He needed all the allies he could get. "I don't need to tell you what's in store for those children..."

He had him. He could read Shepard better than he could read himself.

"I can get Hannah's mother to come," Joseph slumped in defeat. "When do we leave?"

"Two weeks," Anderson smiled, and clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll see. We'll be gone and back before Hannah even knows you're gone." Joseph dropped the doll to the floor.

Back on the Normandy, Anderson blinked out of the memory.

Anderson had finally made Captain, what he had wanted for so long, but he had lost his best friend in the exchange. Both of them. And now he had to tell Hannah that he had taken all that she had left away from her.

Anderson started to type: H. Shepard-...

* * *

Dr. Karin Chakwas finally closed down the report she had been trying to read when she caught herself reading the same line for the fourth time. She rubbed at her tired eyes. She got up and stretched, and went to check once again on her patient.

For the first time in her medical career she felt completely at a loss. She had never seen, or heard, of anything like it, and she hoped the doctors on the Citadel would have the answers she couldn't find herself.

Commander Shepard appeared to be asleep. And if the doctor didn't know better she may have thought that what she had was a simple case of extreme exhaustion, coupled with dehydration. But the Commander's quickened metabolism burned off any nutrients almost as soon as she received them through the I.V.

There was also the heightened brain activity to worry about. It was much more than dreaming would account for, and much more than the human brain achieved during waking hours. At least there were brain activity, she tried to tell herself.

Everything else appeared to be normal. But that only made the doctor more uneasy, if she knew what was wrong she could start a treatment. As it was, she could only wait. There was no reason, that she could find, why the Commander wouldn't wake, and no way to tell if she even would.

"Any change, Doctor?"

Karin looked up at the sound of the hushed question. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Since bringing in the Commander in he had hardly left her side; only long enough to give his report to the Captain and change from his armor.

Karin supposed it was guilt keeping him by his Commander's side, but she suspected there were other reasons as well. He wouldn't be the only one blaming himself for being the only one to come back unharmed. The Captain was a fair man, but he was also human and cared for the Commander as a daughter; she knew this had hit him hard even if he tried to hide it, especially because he tried to hide it. If he were to look for blame in this, the Lieutenant would make an easy target.

And if there was more to Alenko's devotion than just guilt, and she had a good feeling there was, well, she could pretend not to notice. He was so quiet anyway, she almost forgot he was there. And with his medical background, she appreciated the extra help.

She checked the monitors. "It looks like she's finally stabilizing," she gave a slight smile. It was good news. But why hadn't she waken yet?

Karin was worn out, and the Lieutenant looked as tired as she felt. He had to be hungry too, especially with being a biotic, and she didn't need two patients under her care. "I'm going for a coffee break," she stretched. "Keep an eye on things for me here?" He silently nodded, but kept his dark tortured eyes on the Commander's still form. "I'll bring you something too," she added, though, she doubted he even heard her.

She was wrong; Kaidan did hear her, he just didn't care. He couldn't, not when the Commander was in this state and it was all his fault.

He had been going through what happened in his head over and over, but something just wasn't right. He had never been so careless in his life, he never did anything without thinking about it beforehand, and not without a plan. But when he approached that beacon there had been no thought, only desire. He had no idea what had come over him.

The beacon had a power over Kaidan that troubled him. And there was power in the beacon. A power that he had wanted, however briefly. He had always believed he had no desire for power, but the beacon had called and he had answered.

Everything that Kaidan knew to be right seemed wrong.

His eyes drew back to the Commander. There was something about her as well, a power over him that rivaled the beacon's. He had never experienced anything like it. It was attraction, and more than. He didn't know what it was.

Shepard had beauty but she wasn't beautiful. He had seen, and dated, prettier women. But there was something more to her than could be seen. And now it was gone because of him.

He had even begun to doubt that the other had happened. What had happened? He wasn't even sure. It was crazy to think she had been... well if not dead than at least not breathing, and that he had... what? Brought her back? No. It was crazy. She probably had never even opened her eyes. Only his imagination playing tricks on him.

He knew it. Why couldn't he believe it?

Kaidan moved away from the Commander and turned his back to her, started to rearrange the cabinets for the second time; anything to keep his hands, and hopefully his mind, busy.

At first he didn't know what he was hearing. He thought it was only noise coming from outside the medbay, and so he didn't pay it much attention. But there was something about it that tickled at the back of his neck.

He stopped what he was doing and listened. It was coming closer than he had thought. It was coming from inside the medbay itself. He turned back to the sleeping Commander: It was coming from her.

The voice was hers, but there was something wrong with it. He stepped closer to her. If she was waking, it should be good news; shouldn't it? Then why was he suddenly afraid?

Shepard's eyes were moving frantically beneath their closed lids, as though they were seeing something only she could see. And she was whispering, almost too low to hear. But it didn't sound like any language he knew; any language that humanity knew. There was something familiar about it though, like a forgotten dream.

There was a pattern to the words; she was saying the same thing over and over again.

Her heart rate and breathing quickened. And if he had looked, he would have seen, that her brain activity was spiking higher than any human brain should.

Kaidan leaned in closer. His translator must have kicked back in because he could understand what the Commander was repeating, and her words filled him with a chilling fear.

"They are coming."

"They are coming."

"They are coming."

Shepard screamed and opened her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

*** Updated**

Kenyon recognized where, and when, she was. The land was eerily quiet. It was the calm before the storm. The men and women around her were nothing but shadows. Faces without features and voices without sound.

She wanted to run. She wanted to scream out a warning. She wanted to stop what she knew was coming. But she couldn't. She never could. She was only a passenger.

The ground shook underneath her feet. They had thought it was only a quake at the time, but now she knew better. She waited in paralyzing fear and dread as the sand erupted around their camp and piercing screech shattered the quiet -

Kenyon ran.

The dream shifted and she was no longer in the desert. She looked around in confusion and panic. This wasn't Akuze. She wasn't sure where, or what, this was. It looked like an ancient abandoned city.

She heard a scream behind her; a sound that she almost remembered. And something in her mind, that was not of her mind, urged her to - Run!

Kenyon looked over her shoulder and she saw... them. There was something familiar about the perversions. These were features and faces she had known. These... husks... had been her own. Her family. Her brothers. Her sisters. And she couldn't let them catch her... if they caught her... they would... make her one of them.

She couldn't let them. She had to... had to...

Kenyon stumbled over her feet and she felt them getting closer.

She had to get up. She had to get away. She had to send the warning. She had to tell the others...

"They are coming."

"They are coming."

"They are com-."

The abominations reached for her, she screamed and opened her eyes. She sat up and flinched away from their touch. But she was no longer in the empty city. She seemed to be in some sort of medical facility. "Wh- where am I?"

"You're safe," the dark man assured her with a calm voice that soothed her fear. Alenko... the name came to her though she still couldn't remember from where. "You're on the Normandy. In the medbay."

Kenyon closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The Normandy. Anderson. Alenko. Joker. It had been a dream. Only a nightmare.

When she opened her eyes again they were back to their normal shade of green, Kaidan thought the strange glow he had seen in them when she first woke must have been a trick of the lighting in the medbay. Or of his own unease.

He needed to check them for signs of head trauma, but he didn't want to frighten her as he had before. Not the best response he'd had to a woman waking up to the sight of him; though probably not the worst either.

He cautiously moved around her and unhooked her from the machines before she hurt herself; he tried not to notice the way she tensed up when he got too near to her.

Kenyon felt foolish. She couldn't let the Lieutenant see that his Commander suffered from anxiety attacks, that the Hero of Akuze had nightmares. "What happened?"

"What do you remember?" Kaidan asked with caution; the Commander seemed confused and may have suffered memory loss. And she still appeared to be frightened.

Kenyon tried to remember, but it was all so confusing; memory and dream were one. She did remember something though. A light. And cold darkness. A warm embrace. Though, she figured the last must have been part of the dream.

She remembered... Eden Prime... Jenkins... Nihlus... and the beacon. Then there was... nothing.

"The beacon," she spoke, "did we get it?" She knew what the answer would be before Alenko answered, if the beacon had been on board she would have felt it.

Kaidan breathed out, he had been dreading this moment since she first opened her eyes. "The beacon was already activated when we got to it," he rubbed nervously at his implant and couldn't look her in the eye. "I... must have gotten too close to it, or something, and triggered some kind of response. It... uh.. put up some sort of a barrier and you had to push me out of the way. And then... you were caught in its beam."

Kenyon remembered. She wouldn't let it have him. She couldn't lose him too. Jenkins... Nihlus... the thought of losing Alenko as well was too much to bear.

"And then?"

"The beacon exploded," he shrugged. "A system overload maybe. We don't know. It was left behind as evidence." He sighed. "It was my fault," he confessed. "If I hadn't..."

"It wasn't your fault," Kenyon recognized the guilt lining his face all too well, and wished she could brush the lines away. "You couldn't have known what would happen."

Shepard didn't understand. She couldn't. It hadn't been an accident like she believed. He had wanted it... had wanted... something.

"What happened after the beacon exploded?"

There was... something, she felt. Less than a memory, more than a dream

"After the beacon exploded, the comms cleared and the Normandy came through," Alenko told her. "And then I... Williams and I... got us to the ship."

Kenyon hated knowing that she had been so weak... so vulnerable. Not that it was the Lieutenant's fault. "I guess I should thank you," she smiled, reached out and put her hand over his.

"It was nothing," he softly replied. Nothing? She wasn't nothing. She was anything but nothing. "I mean...," he stammered, tongue tied. "We're marines. We stick together, ma'am." He wanted to move away, he knew he should have, but he couldn't move.

Alenko smiled back at her. It was a small shy smile. And a little lopsided. Not at all perfect like the rest of him. It was a nice smile; and more than a little sexy.

His eyes had darkened and she felt as though she could fall and lose herself in their depths; or find herself. Alenko could be a very dangerous man.

Kenyon removed her hand from his, though she didn't want to. "So," she cleared her throat, "how long was I out for?"

Kaidan rubbed the back of his hand; he could still feel her touch. "Fourteen hours," he looked at the holo clock on the wall, more to avoid her gaze than anything, "and twenty-three minutes."

"How many seconds, Lieutenant?" she teased him.

He tensed, she was laughing at him; again. "It was an estimate, Commander," he backed away to leave. "I'll go find Dr. Chakwas and tell her you're awake."

"Wait," she leaped too quickly to her feet and lost her balance, but he caught her in his arms before she could fall. Kenyon didn't want to be alone, but it was more than that; the Lieutenant made her feel... safe. "Don't leave."

Kenyon felt as though they were in the center of a storm, and Alenko was the calm. Or maybe he was the storm himself.

Kaidan wanted nothing more than to run; it was what he was good at. This was his Commander in his arms. It was crazy. He couldn't actually be thinking of-

"Ahem," Chakwas cleared her throat. "I see you're up and about, Commander." There was laughter in her voice, and in her smile. Kaidan knew what it looked like, but she didn't have to look so damned amused about it. He tried to pull away from Shepard, but couldn't with the Commander holding on to his arm the way she was.

"I might be up, but not about," Kenyon chuckled. "Not yet anyway." She pulled away from the Lieutenant and leaned against the examining table.

"Then it's a good thing the Lieutenant was here to lend a hand, isn't it?" the doctor asked teasingly. Kenyon blushed warmly. Chakwas placed the tray of coffee and bagels on her desk and walked over to her. "I'm just happy to see you awake, Shepard. You had us all worried."

Anderson. This couldn't have been easy for him, especially with what happened with her father. "I guess I should go report to the Captain."

"Not so fast, Commander," the doctor stopped her. "I need to run some tests before I can sign you back to duty." She turned to Alenko. "Why don't you inform the Captain of the good news?"

"Yes, ma'am," the Lieutenant quickly left.

Chakwas chuckled quietly.

"It isn't what you think, doctor," Kenyon tried to clarify. "I lost my balance. And the Lieutenant caught me. That's all."

"Maybe," Chakwas smiled, " maybe not." Oh, she didn't doubt the Commander's word, but she had seen the way the two of them looked at one another. "Shepard, I've been around long enough to know how these things work. The rules are there for a reason. But if you're careful and discreet no one cares. How do you think your own parents met?"

"Maybe for other soldiers," Kenyon claimed, " but not for me." She had tried it before and it never worked out. Who, and what, she was always got in the way.

Chakwas wanted to remind her that it had been the man she had been with, not her, and that what she needed was a good man like Alenko. But she wisely kept her mouth shut.

"So," Kenyon changed the subject, "what's the diagnosis, doctor?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," the older woman sighed. "My best guess is that you had a bad case of exhaustion. We found no injuries to account for your state." It was strange, there hadn't even been any cuts or bruises that any soldier would have on his or her body. "I did detect an increase in your brain activity and rapid eye movement. Can you recall any strange or vivid dreams?"

"I... there was something."

"Do you remember anything else? It may be important."

"I... was running. And something was chasing me," she shrugged. There was more, she felt, but she couldn't remember.

"Mmm," Chakwas thought. "It could be nothing. But I better add it to my report." Though, she suspected it was nothing more than Shepard's post traumatic stress disorder returning, it was something that would need to be addressed. As for the rest of her, she finished reading the Commander's vitals... "Everything else looks good. I can't find any reason to make you remain in my care. I have to say I am going to miss my helper though."

"Alenko?"

The doctor chuckled softly. "You should know that since he brought you in, he was by your side almost the entire time." She smiled knowingly. "I couldn't get rid of him."

Kenyon didn't know what she thought of the information. "He just feels guilty over what happened," she shrugged. "Or maybe he has a thing for attractive older women," she added lightly; though she didn't like the thought.

"He wouldn't be the first. But if anything I'd say he has a thing for beautiful women in authority."

She hated that thought even more. She was tired of only ever being Commander Shepard. Though... he seemed not to know who she was. And she didn't know much more about him. "How well do you know our Lieutenant?"

"I've never worked with him before," the doctor shrugged. "though he has an impressive service record. And he has no health concerns."

Kenyon chuckled. She felt like the older woman was trying to set her up on a date with the Lieutenant. Maybe she was. "He was a last minute addition to the crew," she said, "wasn't he?"

"Not you too," Chakwas answered rather sternly. "Don't you go listening to Jeff's rumors. Do you know what he says about you? According to him, you survived Akuze in nothing but your small-clothes. You should know more than anyone not to believe everything that comes out of his mouth." Maybe Kenyon needed to have a word, or two, with Joker. "The Captain trusts Kaidan. You can too." The doctor was a first name basis with the Lieutenant now, was she? What kind of name was Kaidan anyway?

"Maybe if he didn't keep to himself so much the rumors would go away."

"Or maybe if not for the rumors, he wouldn't keep to himself so much," the doctor countered not ungently. "He is quiet though, isn't he? Maybe because of his headaches. It isn't easy being an L2."

"I thought they discontinued that model." It was something of a scandal a few years ago, she remembered.

"It's now illegal to wire any biotic with it today, but Kaidan had it implanted before the ban. Most biotics made the change over to the more reliable L3 implant, but Kaidan never upgraded."

"Weren't the side effects too risky?" she questioned. As though attaching anything to the brain was anything but.

"They can be. Severe mental disabilities, insanity, crippling physical pain. There's a long list of horrific side effects. Kaidan's lucky. He just gets migraines." Kenyon wondered if the Lieutenant shared the doctor's opinion on his luck. Probably not. "Before I let you go, I really should run a few more tests. Unless there's more you'd like to know about your Lieutenant." Kenyon blushed, the doctor had started it... hadn't she?

She thought of Alenko watching over as she slept and she smiled. He was her very own Prince Charming; too bad it hadn't been his kiss that had awakened her.


	11. Chapter 11

*** Updated**

Akuze...

Kenyon had never felt so alone as she had then. Not just alone. That she had always been alone. And that she would always be alone. And that anything else had been only an illusion.

And now she felt alone again.

In the way the crew would stop whatever they were doing when she entered the room. In the way their voices would suddenly go silent when they saw her. And in the way their eyes followed her when she wasn't watching. And drop when she was.

Though the ones who didn't ignore her were worse. The quiet sympathy. The pity in their eyes. And their fear. The questions. The crew knew something had happened. And they were looking to her for answers. To make things right again. But she wanted to know who would make things right for her?

Kenyon tried not to feel hurt that Anderson hadn't come to check on her yet. She knew that he must still be busy with the fallout of the failed mission on Eden Prime; and would be for a long time to come. But she was hurt. And she wondered if it was her. If he was angry with her. Or worse, disappointed.

She opened Anderson's door.

The Captain turned at the sound. She noted how tired he looked, even more than usual. But he had a soft smile for her. She felt guilty for questioning his motives, even if just in her mind.

He came to her and placed his hands comfortably on her shoulders; there was a part of her that wanted nothing more than to collapse in his strong arms as she had when she was a little girl. It seemed it had always been Anderson who had taken care of her when she needed him the most, after she had lost her father. But she wasn't that little girl anymore. And they weren't alone.

Lieutenant Alenko was using the Captain's personal computer. She wondered what he was doing here. And she felt more than a little jealous that he was with the Captain instead of her. Who was he?

"How's my XO?" he asked lightly, but she heard the concern in his voice.

"Doc says I'm going to be fine," she shrugged out of his arms. "Guess I just needed a nap." Kenyon ignored the tightness in her stomach. Chakwas had actually said a lot more than that; and a lot less. Truth was, she was scared. Though she would never admit it.

"Are you sure?"

"I feel fine," she assured him. "Maybe a little hungry." Again. She had eaten both bagels that the doctor had brought. Plus double rations in the mess. Her hunger wasn't satisfied though. What she really wanted was a big juicy hamburger and fries, and a chocolate shake to wash them down. Her mouth almost watered at the thought.

Anderson laughed. "Good to hear. I still think it might be a good idea for you to see a doctor on the Citadel though. They may catch something that we've missed."

"Yes, sir," she made a face. She didn't like it, but she expected as much. "How bad is it going to be?" She had always wanted to see the Citadel, though not like this.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Shepard," he sighed. "Things are bad. The beacon was destroyed. And a Spectre was killed under our command. The Council isn't going to happy. And they're going to want answers."

They would need someone to blame. And the Alliance would have to give them someone; that someone would be Anderson. She couldn't let that happen; she knew what she had to do. "I'll take full responsibility, Captain." The choice was easy, but it was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. The Alliance was her life.

"That won't be necessary," he spoke with pride. "I will stand behind you, and your actions." And take all of the blame, she knew. She loved him, but she couldn't let him do it. "I do need to ask you a few questions though, if you're up to it."

"What do you need to know?"

"Nihlus was in radio contact when he was killed," Anderson moved to the back of the room, nearer to Alenko. "What did you hear?"

Kenyon hesitated. She wasn't sure what she heard at the time, and was even less certain now. But she knew this was important. And she didn't want to let Anderson down, again. "He said he had found the beacon. He mentioned trying to contact the Normandy. And then...," she breathed out, "then he addressed someone. After that a shot rang out. And then... silence." And just like that, he was gone.

"Would you say it was someone he knew?" he urged her. "Someone expected?"

"I... don't know," she shrugged. "It sounded as though he knew the person. But he didn't expect to see them." And whoever that was, was not only his killer but the one responsible for the entire attack.

Anderson nodded, and turned to Alenko. "Lieutenant, playback the audio."

"Co-der... -peat. I fou- -eacon. -ome quickly." It was strange and a little eerie to hear the voice of a man that she knew to be dead, moments before his death; it was like hearing a ghost. She knew what was coming and was helpless to stop it. "-tact Nor-ndy... Sar-n? Wha- -oing -ere?" She flinched at the sound of the gunshot. It was as though Nihlus had died a second time.

"That part, right at the end, after he mentioned the Normandy," Anderson spoke first. "I think he names his killer." Kenyon nodded. She had thought so too. Someone he knew. Someone he trusted. "Saren," he announced. "Saren Arterius. Council Spectre."

Kenyon felt a chill of fear. Saren wasn't just any Spectre, and if Anderson was right this was worse than she had imagined. "Maybe it's a different Saren. Could be a common turian name. Like David."

"Actually it's a very rare turian name," Alenko answered softly, and turned to face her; his dark eyes even darker in the shadows of the room. "It was the name of a turian general in the time of the krogan rebellions. He became a hero during the war, but after he was against joining the Council. He thought it would weaken the turian hierarchy. He even killed the Primarch. He was eventually caught and executed as a traitor. It isn't a part of turian history their proud of," he shrugged. "Not openly anyway."

She smiled. There was something very sexy about an intelligent man. "Are an expert on turian culture and history, or something?" she teased. Alenko flinched and his eyes hardened. "No, ma'am," he answered, his jaw clenched. "I looked it up online."

Kenyon knew she had said something wrong, but for the life of her she didn't know why.

"Humph," Anderson commented. "It wouldn't surprise me if Arterius shares more with his namesake than just a name."

Saren - there was something here they were missing... she knew it. "What about the geth?" she wondered.

"A diversion. Nothing more," Anderson dismissed the question. "Saren is the real threat here. I know it in my gut. I know Saren. I know the way he thinks, and the way he operates. This was him. I'm positive of it."

"What do you mean?" Did Anderson know Saren, or know of Saren, she wondered.

"Saren hates humans, Shepard," he said. "He believes we are a blight on the galaxy. A dangerous animal that needs to be put down. And this attack on Eden Prime proves it. He may have even learned about your Spectre trial somehow and decided to ruin your chances."

"Perhaps," Kenyon said, thinking. "But he came for the beacon."

"We can only hope he didn't get a chance to get the information on it for himself." He sighed. "You used the beacon before it exploded. Do you remember anything? Anything that can help us?"

"There was... pain. Cold. And darkness," she all but whispered. And a warmness that called her back, she remembered. A soft voice that breathed breath back into her body. "There were dreams... nightmares."

"Dreams? What sort of dreams?" he demanded.

"I...," she shrugged. "I was running. There was danger. Death. Destruction. And something telling me to run." She paused. "It was only a dream."

"We don't know that," Anderson's tone softened. "I want you to add everything you can recall in your report. Anything however unimportant you think it is. We need to know what was on that beacon."

Kenyon nodded, though there were a few things she would definitely be keeping out of her report. "So, what now?" she asked.

"Now, we're heading for the Citadel to give our report the Council," he answered. And accuse their top agent of treason, he didn't need to say. "This is a delicate situation. We need to keep this as quiet as possible."

"You can count on my silence, Captain."

"I trust you, it isn't that," he sighed. "The mission on Eden Prime was top secret. Anyone who knew about it had the highest security clearance level. Which makes me wonder, how did Saren learn of it?"

"You think the Council had something to do with this?" It was a troubling thought; and could mean war.

"No," he answered, "at least I hope not. If the Council wanted the beacon for themselves all they had to do was shut us out. I believe Saren was working without Council approval. However, the question remains, where did he get his information from?" He had to have had help from the inside, she realized what Anderson was hinting at. There had to have been a traitor on the Council. "We'll be arriving in a few hours, and I need you to be ready for anything." Anderson turned to Alenko. "Lt. Alenko, see to Williams, and then report to the bridge."

"Aye, aye, sir," he replied, and stood. As he passed, his dark eyes met Kenyon's briefly before looking down again. Something strange passed between them, but it was gone before she could begin to understand what it was.

"Williams?" she prompted Anderson.

"She's coming with us to the Citadel. She's an important witness, the only one who can describe the beginning of the attack."

"She handled herself well down there," Kenyon said, she had kept her head when other soldiers would have lost it.

"She's a tough soldier," he agreed. "Reminds me of someone else I know. Not sure what I'm going to do with two of you running around my ship."

Kenyon laughed. If she knew the Captain as well as she knew she did, Williams had just been adopted by Anderson. And he seemed to have taken in the Lieutenant as well; not that she believed any of Joker's crazy theories.

"How are you?" Anderson asked. "Really?"

"Honestly? A little scared," she admitted. "And sorry... about Jenkins. And Nihlus. I should have done more."

Anderson took her into his arms as he had done when she was younger; she closed her eyes. "I'm just glad you're okay. I wasn't looking forward to having to face your mother if I let anything happen to you." He quietly chuckled; it was a soft rumble. Kenyon smiled. He had a good point. A human hating turian had nothing on Hannah Shepard when she was angry.

A storm was coming, but for the moment at least she felt safe. And whatever was coming she wouldn't have to face it alone.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: as always, thank you for reading/following/reviewing. And again, sorry for any delay. **

* * *

Ashley gave a silent prayer for the fallen-

For Herbert who was the first to die with a laugh still on his lips-

For Adams who had made his last joke-

For Leiber who had held the enemy back with his biotics long enough for the rest of them to escape-

For Erikson who had dragged her away when she tried to stay-

For Howard who would never see the newborn son named for him-

And for a son who would never know his father-

For Bhatia who would never start that restaurant with her husband-

For the scratched out name on the locker under her left hand-

And...for herself-

"Williams?"

Ashley jumped guiltily at the sound, and tucked the pendant hanging from her necklace beneath her suit. The cold metal was a comfortable reminder against her skin.

"Commander," she smiled. Alenko had told her that the commander was awake, but it was still good to see it for herself. For awhile there it had looked bad, though Shepard didn't even look as though anything had happened. "It's good to see you." And it was the truth.

The crew could sure use the good news after what had happened, but it was more than that.

The Normandy was a better place with her commander back. A good place. Ashley had never experienced it before. She was almost sorry that she would never belong here herself.

And there was a difference to the lieutenant as well. The poor man had such a thing for his commander it was obvious. It was so sad it was funny. Or maybe it was so funny it was sad. She couldn't decide.

He was kind of cute though. In a puppy dog kind of way.

"I wanted to thank you," Shepard smiled back, "for your help. Both on Eden Prime. And in assisting me back to the Normandy."

Some leaders had to enforce their leadership. And some were naturals. Shepard was a natural.

Ashley actually felt herself get a little embarrassed over the compliment.

"I...," she stumbled awkwardly over her words, "thank you, Commander. Though I must admit the Lt did most of the work in bringing you back."

He had insisted. As though it were his responsibility alone. Or his burden; his guilt.

The blush that colored the commander's cheeks didn't go unnoticed; not by someone with as many sisters as she had.

Ashley laughed to herself. Maybe Alenko's feelings weren't as one-sided as she had thought.

Shepard cleared her throat and looked away.

"How are you doing?" the commander asked. "Things were pretty bad down there."

More like things went to hell down there. But Ashley knew what the commander meant.

Shepard avoided looking her in the eye. Was it plain helplessness? Or was she afraid of what she would see? Or maybe she was afraid of what she would see in hers.

If anyone understood what Ashley was going through it was her.

"I'm not going to lie," she looked down at her feet. "Seeing your whole squad die like that...it isn't easy." Not when she closed her eyes, not when she kept seeing them. Alive and dead. "And I feel guilty. For being here. For being alive." When they weren't.

"For not dying," Shepard whispered so low, Ashley couldn't be sure if it was meant for her ears or not.

"I thought I was...going to die," she confessed. "But I wasn't afraid."

Near the end there, she had felt the strong presence of her dead father. And knew that once again she would feel the safety of his arms.

"I was terrified myself," Shepard smiled sadly, remembering not Eden Prime but that other place.

Ashley felt the now warmed symbol beside her beating heart giving her strength.

"Does it ever get easier?"

Shepard's clear green eyes met her darker ones.

"It gets lighter," she answered truthfully. "But it never goes away. You'll never be the same person you were yesterday."

Just as she could never be that daughter who still had her father again.

There was something else though. Something she wouldn't tell the commander. That she couldn't.

She felt as though she survived for a reason. A purpose. And that gave her strength.

"If you...uh, ever need anyone to talk to," Shepard offered, "I'm available."

"Thank you, Commander."

But they both knew she wouldn't take the offer. Sometimes it was just enough to know you weren't alone though.

And she did feel better. Lighter. There was something to Shepard. More than met the eye.

"I must admit, Commander," she smiled, and for the first time since leaving Eden Prime the smile was reflected in her eyes. "You're not what I expected."

"I'm not sure how I should take that, Williams," she laughed.

"Sorry, Commander," Ashley apologized, she felt like an idiot. "I tend to speak before I think." And it usually got her into trouble.

"No need, Williams," she grinned. "I've been told I have the same problem."

She really liked the commander. And that was a problem. She couldn't let herself think that this was a place that she might belong.

"Ever been to the Citadel, Williams?"

"No, ma'am."

"We should be docking soon," Shepard suddenly looked like a little girl. "Why don't you join me on the bridge when you're done suiting up?"

"I'd like that, ma'am."

More than she cared to admit to herself. She had a feeling it was too late for any warnings.

* * *

Kenyon was happy to see that Joker was alone in the cockpit, though there was a twinge of disappointment not to see Alenko in the seat next to him and she wasn't sure what she thought of that.

There was so much she wanted to say to her oldest friend, so much she had to say, but nothing she could.

"Hey, Joker," she leaned against the opposite seat.

Joker turned to her. It was a relief to finally see her. And she looked good, though tired. He knew her well enough to recognize when something was bothering her, and he could see that something was worrying her.

Well, he had been worried too. And completely helpless to do anything about it except wait.

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?" he had been so frustrated, and angry, at her, Anderson, everything, but mostly at himself. Always himself. "I was worried sick, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do." And he hated it. Hated that anything could have happened to her down on the planet and he was up here, safe and hidden. Like a coward.

"Joker," her eyes softened in pity, "I'm sorry. I should have come to see you sooner."

He hated that he had made her feel bad. Hated that she had made him feel bad.

"Hey, it's fine, I know you were busy," he said dryly. Busy with new friends, he thought. New friends who almost got her killed. "Just promise me one thing," he added earnestly. "Never do anything like that again. You're-"

the only one he had. Kenyon was his only friend. His only family. And he didn't know what he would do without her.

There were moments that Kenyon wished she could give Jeff a hug that wouldn't break every bone in his body. And this was one of them. She put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

Her friendship with Joker was one thing that had always been, and always would be something she could count on.

"Promise," she promised, though she knew she couldn't. She leaned down and chastely brushed her lips against his whiskered cheek. And laughed softly when he squirmed uncomfortably away from her.

Jeff would always be Joker.

A low cough sounded behind her; she knew who it would be before she even turned around.

Alenko.

How much had he seen? Heard? And what did he think of it? Had he gotten the wrong idea? The thought bothered her more than she wanted to admit. And she felt more guilty than she had a reason to feel.

And there was something in his quietly dark eyes that made her feel as though she had betrayed him somehow.

She also couldn't help but notice there was quiet tension between him and Joker, even more than there had been before, and she wondered if she had missed something.

They approached the relay in thick silence.

Time seemed to slow. Her mind quickened. And her senses remembered. Then – it was gone as soon as it came.

Kenyon felt faint with the suddenness of it.

But before she could think any more of it, they were joined by Williams.

Kenyon was glad to see her. She felt a bond with the fellow soldier that went deeper than their shared experiences. They were both survivors. Though Anderson had it wrong. Williams wasn't like her. She was tougher.

"Hey, you're just in time," she smiled, and waved the other woman over. She took her by the arm, and dragged her to the view port.

Ashley smiled sadly back, reminded of her sisters that she missed so much. Shepard reminded her so much of her sister Sarah it almost hurt.

The Citadel. A Williams seeing the Citadel. It was hard for her to believe. And she wished there was someway to share it with her family.

She knew her father was with her though. And that he was proud of her.

Kenyon thought she was prepared for the sight of the Citadel, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight in front of her.

If there was a center to the known universe, this was it. The station had been here long before her and would be there long after her. It was humbling. Amazing. And more than a little unnerving.

She felt... mortal.

"What is that?" Williams pointed to a large object slowly orbiting around the station.

Kenyon thought it looked like another station. Or a satellite of some kind. Whatever it was, it was big. Though much smaller than the Citadel itself.

She felt his presence as a touch on her senses, and knew he was there before he even spoke.

"The Destiny Ascension," Alenko quietly answered Williams' question. "Flagship of the Citadel Fleet."

"That thing is a ship?" Williams whispered in awe. Or Kenyon thought it could be fear. Maybe they were the same thing, she thought. "It's huge."

Alenko braced his arm above, and leaned in for a better look beside Kenyon.

"Size isn't everything," Joker humphed.

"He seem a little defensive to you, Commander?" Ashley held back a laugh.

"Just saying," he continued, "size is nothing without the fire power to go with it."

"Look at that forward gun," she turned. "It's a beast. It could out perform anything you've got."

Joker smugly smiled to himself. Two could play at this game.

"It's not the bulk, but what you do with it," he twisted behind him, and winked, "and I promise you, I can be very maneuverable."

Ashley rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms.

"You wouldn't even be able to penetrate through her defenses," a smile tugged playfully on her lips.

"Please," he snorted, "I'd be in and out before she even knew what hit her."

Ashley sniggered, then giggled, chuckled, and laughed. It had been too long since she'd let herself go like this, and it felt good.

Joker could feel the heat flushing his face, he leaned back in his seat, and pulled his cap down lower, before she could notice.

God, what an idiot, he cursed himself.

Kenyon smiled at the playful exchange. It was good for both of them, she thought.

The Normandy passed the much larger ship.

"It's a good thing it's on our side," Alenko said softly from her side.

Kenyon hoped it still was.

* * *

**Next chapter: The Citadel (finally). And I promise, more Shenko. And Kaidan. **

**This chapter ended up being a lot different than I had planned on. I didn't plan on it being so Joker/Ashley centric... but apparently they had other ideas. And now I'm getting other ideas... and you get the picture. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**

**No, you're not crazy. This is chapter 13... again. I wasn't happy with my last chapter so I decided to fix it. It is basically the same. Cleaner. And less wordy. More in focus. And it does end differently. It's really a rewrite, so I hope you read it again. I like this one better, and I hope you do too.**

**A quick note on Kaidan: I have decided to change a few things about him for the fic. Mostly dealing with his past. You know how Kaidan tells Shepard that 'he doesn't need to be fixed'? Well... mine does. He's the same. Just a little darker. Harder.**

**Feel free to tell me what you think...**

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Kenyon never considered herself to be an ass woman.

She had been around locker room gossip for most of her life, even before she understood what such talk meant. And other women (and not a few men) could be just as crude as their fellow brothers in arms. She would laugh, or agree with the others, but she never understood the attraction herself.

But the specimen now in front of her was making her question her previous stance on the subject. There was no question that Alenko had one fine piece of -

"Taking in the sights, Commander?" Ashley chuckled.

"Wh-," Kenyon snapped up her head, face aflame in shame. "I wasn't -."

Ashley laughed louder at her guilt and denial. She knew she shouldn't tease the commander like that, but she couldn't help it.

"The Lt has nice assets," she grinned. "I'll give him that."

"Shh," Kenyon grabbed her arm and begged. "He'll hear you."

Not that she didn't agree – he definitely had nice assets. Among other things. A voice created for whispers in the dark. A mouth that practically begged to be kissed. And eyes like...

Damn. Eyes that were looking back right at her.

Eyes like midnight rain.

Looking into their depths was like remembering something she had lost.

She was afraid that he had heard every word. That he knew her every thought. Her every wish.

She couldn't breath.

No, she realized. They had only arrived at the embassy doors, and Alenko was holding them open for the two women.

She took a breath.

"Hey, Lt.," Ashley teased Alenko as she passed by him, a knowing smile for both him and Kenyon, "didn't you hear chivalry is an ancient relic?"

Kenyon saw his strong jaw clench in what she was beginning to recognize as embarrassment. A faint blush darkened his tanned skin.

"Thank you," she smiled, and felt more than a little silly; out of time and out of place, though somehow right. She touched his arm in a friendly gesture, trying to ignore the feel of the tight muscles under her hand.

And suddenly she was falling-

She didn't know where she was-

When she was-

And the only thing holding her together was him-

Alenko jerked backwards. And Kenyon blinked her eyes open.

Nothing had changed. There was no hint that anything had just happened, except for a fading memory of ecstasy and a look of confusion on the lieutenant's handsome face – confusion or annoyance?

She walked into the embassy building, ignoring the weight of his gaze on her.

Damn. What was the hell was that? This wasn't like her.

She didn't know. But whatever it was, she was going to have to control it around the lieutenant.

If only it would be that easy.

A middle-aged man, who did not seem pleased to see them, met them at the door. There was something about him that Kenyon disliked him immediately.

"Captain Anderson," he addressed the captain, but did not shake his offered hand. "You're late."

"We arrived as quickly as we could, Ambassador," Anderson answered coolly.

Ambassador Udina grunted, or sighed, Kenyon couldn't tell the difference.

"How bad is it?" Anderson asked.

"Bad doesn't even cover this," Udina sneered. "This is what we call an incident. The Council wants answers for this, Captain. And I'm afraid the Alliance might not be able to stop them this time."

"When's the hearing?" Anderson sounded to Kenyon as though they had already lost the battle.

"As soon as their investigation team reports in," the ambassador replied in clipped words. "I do not think I need to remind you, you are not to leave this building until then."

Anderson nodded silently.

The news didn't surprise Kenyon. But she didn't like it. She wasn't one for waiting patiently.

Udina moved towards his desk, as though dismissing them.

"I have the mission reports," he said without looking up. "I assume their accurate?"

"They are," Anderson paused. "Though there's more."

The ambassador lifted his head.

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Kenyon had a feeling there wasn't much the man did like.

"You'll like it even less when I tell you," Anderson took a step closer to the man and lowered his voice. "How secure is this room?"

"As well as anything is on the station," he looked more angry than interested. "What is this?"

"There was someone working with the geth on Eden Prime," Anderson rubbed his hands together, in nervousness or eagerness Kenyon couldn't tell. "Saren."

"Do you have proof?"

"Not much," Anderson answered. "But it was him. We know it. I know it."

The ambassador was quiet for a long moment, and then his thin mouth spread into a smile that Kenyon didn't care for at all.

"This could be just what we need," there was a gleam in his cold eyes, "if we can prove it."

"We will."

Kenyon could almost believe him. Though, why did it feel so wrong?

"Come with me, Captain. We have much to discuss," he turned to the others for the first time. "The rest of you wait here." He left without another word.

Kenyon stepped closer to Anderson and spoke softly so they wouldn't be overheard.

"I don't like this, sir," she confessed. "Can we trust him?"

"I don't like Udina either, Shepard," he answered her. "But we don't need to like him to trust him. He'll do everything in his power to get us out of this mess."

That's what she was afraid of. She watched Anderson follow Ambassador Udina with a sinking feeling.

Alenko had made his way to the balcony overlooking the Presidium. And Ashley had found a table with coffee and pastries. As tempting as the lieutenant might be, she figured Ashley was probably the safer choice. And the thought of donuts was almost as tempting as the lieutenant. Almost.

Ashley was taking bites out of a muffin.

Kenyon chose an asari pastry. The sweet was sticky with a thick purple frosting. It tasted a little like honey – only better. It was delicious. The flavor lingered in her mouth and on her tongue. She moaned in delight.

"You know they say the asari make the honey themselves," Ashley's smile was naughty. "Probably comes out of their perfect little asses or something."

Laughter choked Kenyon. She wasn't sure if she liked Ashley. Or if she hated her.

Ashley got quiet, and bit nervously at one of her nails.

"You don't think they'll ask me to speak do you?" she asked. "I don't do so well in front of a crowd."

It was hard to imagine the tough soldier being afraid of anything.

"They'll probably just ask you a few questions," Kenyon shrugged. She was a witness. There was nothing for her to fear.

If any of them were going to be put on trial it would be Anderson and herself.

And Alenko.

Her eyes drifted to him as though on their own.

She longed to find out what this thing between them was. But she was also afraid of the answer.

It was a bad idea. And could only end in trouble. It was best to forget him.

She couldn't.

"The Lt's probably hungry," Ashley nodded his way. "He's a biotic. I hear they can eat more than a starved krogan. Can probably eat everything on this table on his own."

Kenyon smiled. She doubted the self-controlled lieutenant indulged in much. She just couldn't imagine it.

She finished her own pastry and took another to take to him. She tried to tell herself the act was for him and not for her. She didn't believe it.

The Presidium was just as beautiful as Kaidan remembered. And as artificial.

The lights of the Presidium were turned down for the station's night cycle. The stars could be seen above them. And the lake was aglow with its own illumination.

Kenyon gasped in surprise. It was gorgeous.

Kaidan wished he could share in her wonder. But he knew the beauty only hid the ugly truth of this place.

Shepard was nothing like that. She was true. Honest. And beautiful.

He forced himself to look away from her.

He was trouble. And he would only taint her.

Ruin her.

He tried to ignore the ache of regret.

Kaidan looked out. Remembering what was. And what couldn't be.

"What's on your mind?"

He looked back over to Shepard. She was giving him that smile of hers. The one that seemed to taunt him with what he couldn't have. Could never have.

What was on his mind? What might have been. What could have been. What could never be.

"I was just thinking," Kaidan turned away, "it's funny, we dreamed so long of what was out here, the final-frontier, and now that we're here we don't even see the wonder." Or the danger, he added to himself.

"Alenko, you're a romantic. Who knew?" Kenyon smiled. It was a surprising side to the serious lieutenant. And one she liked. Too much. "Did you sign on for the dream, Alenko? Secure mans' future in space?"

"I'm old-fashioned, you mean," he answered softly, in almost a whisper. Maybe he was. Maybe he had been born for another time. Another place.

"No," Kenyon shook her head. "It's cute. I mean-," she stuttered to a stop. Oh God. She just called Alenko cute... didn't she? She broke off a piece of the pastry and stuffed it in her mouth to shut herself up.

Shepard was innocent. He wished there were someway to protect that. Someway to freeze this moment. Here and now. Forever.

He didn't want to let go of it.

"Yeah, sure," he laughed, remembering another time, when he was another man. "I read a lot of those books when I was young. Where the hero goes off to space to protect the woman he loves-," he coughed. "Or you know... for justice."

What the hell was he doing?

Kaidan pushed himself away from the balcony and straightened.

"Maybe I was a romantic...," he sighed, "at the beginning."

But not anymore. He couldn't afford to be.

Kenyon felt the hurt in his words, and it pained her. She wished there were something she could do. But knew that not only was there nothing she could do, anything she could would be unwelcomed.

Alenko had closed himself off to her yet again.

"I'm sorry, Commander, was there something you needed from me?"

"Uh, no... I... I mean we, Ashley and I, thought you might be hungry," she answered, showed him the partly eaten pastry she still held. The one that had been meant for him. "There's more on the table if you want one."

God. She felt so stupid. This couldn't have gone more wrong. What must he think of her?

"Thank you, Commander," he nodded politely. "I can take care of myself though." Always had.

He couldn't let her in. He wouldn't let her in.

His words hurt Kenyon more than they should have. She pushed the rest of the pastry in her mouth and finished it.

"Right," she nodded. "I guess I'll leave you alone then."

Kaidan had to let her walk away.

He closed his eyes. But he could still feel her. He could still smell her. Warm honey. And sunlight.

He hadn't felt like this in a long time. Not since -

He had to keep away from her. For both of their sakes.

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**Next chapter: Fourteen. This time I mean it.**

**I'm not going to make promises I'm not sure I can keep, but I will promise to do my best to finish this fic. No matter how long it may take.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: thank you for reading, following, and reviewing. And for patience as well.**

**I'm actually quite pleased with this chapter. I have a bit of nice Shenko. Angsty Kaidan, which I seem to have a thing for. The plot is moving forward. And my second favorite character, behind Kaidan, finally makes an entrance. I've been waiting for Garrus, and here he is.**

**One more thing, a scene in this chapter is from a rewrite of a fic I was working on before this one, it has since been deleted.**

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The Citadel Tower. The last time Kaidan had been here he was a scared kid, alone, and too far from home. Everything had changed, and yet it was much the same.

No matter how far he ran, it seemed his past would always catch up with him. Or maybe he was running in circles.

He moved towards the familiar pink flowered trees lining the walls of the open aired lobby.

Kaidan touched one of the fragile flowers and brought it closer. The sight reminded him of home. The fragrant smell reminded him of his mother.

He had never felt so far away from either.

Shepard stopped beside him and lightly touched one of the flowers, as though afraid of breaking it.

Not that there was any danger of that, he thought with some anger. These were nothing but imitations of their truth. Suddenly he was more homesick than he ever remembered being, even more than that first time he had been forced to leave it.

"These are beautiful," she softly spoke.

He wanted to show her true beauty. He wished he could be the one to show her.

Kaidan had the sudden desire to take the blossom from her hand and place it in her dark hair. To trace the sensuous lines of her lips with its soft petals. The touch of her lips would be even softer, and the taste of the flowers even sweeter on her.

He sighed. If only he were any other man.

"Cherry Blossoms," he said. "A gift to the Council from Earth's first ambassador. Back home these flowers would only bloom for a few weeks in Spring before they would fall again."

"Such a short life," said Shepard, "how sad."

"They're a symbol and celebration of life, Commander. The beauty in both birth and death. And sacrifice."

"These will never die, Alenko," she smiled quietly. "There's beauty in that too."

There was no beauty in a lie, he knew.

"Maybe you're right, ma'am," he agreed, and let go of the flower.

Kenyon had a feeling that something of importance had just happened between her and the lieutenant. That this was a quiet moment, one as fragile as the soft petals between her fingers, that she would always remember. And that these flowers would always remind her of Kaidan.

It was almost like a memory. Of something that was. And of something that would be.

Something that was lost.

Kenyon left Alenko to join Ashley who was watching the water in a small pool.

"Think I'll get kicked out if I toss in a coin for luck?" she laughed quietly.

"I doubt it would help," Kenyon smiled.

She turned worriedly to the staircase that Anderson and Udina had disappeared up awhile ago now. She hated waiting. And not knowing what was going on up there with the Council.

"They've been gone a long time," Ashley echoed her own thoughts.

"Could be a good sign," Kenyon said. "At least they're still listening."

"They have to, don't they?" Ashley turned to the Commander. "It's the truth. They'll have to believe it."

"It isn't that simple," Alenko leaned against the railing beside Ashley. "It's our word against one of their agents. The burden of proof is on us. Not Saren."

Proof they didn't have, Kenyon thought.

"What do you think is going to happen?" she asked the lieutenant.

"The Alliance put everything we had into this," he shrugged, "and now it's time to pay." And he hated the thought that the sacrifice would probably be Shepard. "They'll probably use this to demand more concessions out of the Alliance."

Kenyon watched Alenko through the reflection of the calm water, but she couldn't see his eyes in the shadow.

"You almost sound like a politician there, Lt," Ashley teased. "You a 'suit'?"

Kenyon flinched at her words. A suit was a not complimentary term for someone who was in the Alliance for the position and money. She thought Ashley probably didn't mean anything by it, but she wondered how Alenko would take it.

He showed no reaction.

"Yeah," he smirked. "A lot of biotics are. We're not drafted, but we sure don't go undocumented. And we may as well get a paycheck for being freaks."

Ashley laughed. Kenyon didn't. She had a feeling he had meant exactly what he said. And it broke her heart.

She knew that biotics didn't have the easiest time in the Alliance, but she never really gave it much thought. Maybe she hadn't cared to.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud argument coming up behind them from the entrance of the Tower.

There were two turians. The one in front reminded Kenyon painfully of Nihlus. The other one following him was taller, leaner, and seemed younger.

"This quarian could have the proof we need," the younger turian grabbed at the others arm. "You need to stall the Council until I can find her."

His double toned voice was smoother than other turians she had heard.

"Stall the Council?," the turian laughed harshly. "Do you have any idea what you're asking? I'm not about to tell them to hold the hearing while you go off chasing a ghost."

"She was seen in Fist's bar not two hours ago-"

"I should have known," he shook his head. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave Fist alone?"

"But-"

"And where's Harkin in all this? You're supposed to be keeping an eye on him."

"He's at Chora's Den. Investigating Fist's alcohol license."

Kenyon thought she detected amusement in the younger turian's voice.

"I just bet he is," the other turian sighed heavily. "I don't have time for this today. Return to headquarters, you're off duty until further notice. And if I hear you've been causing trouble no one will be able to save you. Not even your father."

The younger turian looked as though he would argue, but only nodded. And he remained while the older turian walked up the Council steps.

He waited and then turned to Kenyon.

"Commander Shepard? Of the Alliance?" there was a soft rumble beneath his words. "I am Garrus Vakarian. C-Sec Officer."

"Officer Vakarian," Kenyon shook his hand, his skin was softer than she had imagined it would be, like fine leather. "You have news about our investigation?"

"I-," Garrus paused uncertain. "Not exactly. But there's been reports of a female quarian trying to sell information on the geth in the past few cycles. Her last known sighting was at an establishment owned by Fist. A known associate of Saren. There's something here, Commander. I feel it in my gut."

"It does seem suspicious," Kenyon agreed, though she didn't want to get her hopes up. This could very well be nothing as the other turian had thought.

There was something about this Garrus though. She had a feeling she could trust him.

"I am going to look into it further. If I find anything I will inform you immediately."

Kenyon smiled. Yes, she did like this alien that reminded her too much of herself.

"I'd appreciate any help you can give."

"Only doing my job," his mandibles flickered in a returning smile. "If you need me you can find my partner at Chora's Den. Harkin, a human male. I'll keep in contact with him so he can pass along my whereabouts."

Garrus gave a stiff and short turian bow and left.

"Mmm," Ashley smirked, "I wonder what that was about."

"I'm not sure we should trust him, Commander," Alenko added.

"We may need him," Kenyon told them both. And she doubted that would be the last they would see of him. She hoped not.

"Shepard," Ashley nodded towards the stairs, "looks like something is about to happen."

Kenyon met Anderson and Udina at the base of the stairs.

"What's going on?"

"They want to ask the three of you a few questions," Anderson answered. He looked even more tired than before. And angry. Frustrated. Kenyon knew that the hearing hadn't gone well.

"Answer only the questions directed toward you," Udina sounded much the same as Anderson. "Otherwise no one speaks. You will let me do the talking."

Kenyon didn't like this feeling of being at someone else's mercy in this way.

The stairs were both too long and too short.

"Get the feeling we're climbing Mt. Olympus, Commander?" Ashley grinned, but the way she bit at her lip betrayed her own nervousness.

Only Alenko seemed immune. He was his usual calm and cool self.

At the top was a platform high over the Tower. And on the far side of the gap were the Council members themselves.

A turian with harsh features that seemed to be carved from granite.

A slim salarian with eyes almost too large for his face.

And an asari with blue skin so dark it seemed purple.

"We have read the reports," the salarian spoke first. "But before we can decide anything we would like to ask you three a few questions."

"Commander Kenyon Shepard," the turian addressed, "you were in charge of the mission on Eden Prime, correct?"

"Correct, sir," she answered, her voice echoed strangely in the chamber in an unnerving way.

"Would you say that the mission was a success?"

"Uh...," she turned to Anderson who nodded back. "No, sir. No, it wasn't."

"You claim to have been attacked by geth while on this mission, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Geth, yes," the turian finally turned his eyes to her. "And did you at any time see anyone else during this attack?"

"No, sir."

"No humans other than the two standing next to you?"

"No, sir."

"No salarians? No asari?"

"No, sir."

"No turians? Other than Nihlus, of course."

"No, sir."

"I have no further questions."

Kenyon hated the smugness of the turian.

"I have only one question for each of you," the salarian came next. "We have all listened to the so called recording of Agent Saren killing Agent Nihlus. The recording however was regretfully unclear. Could you hear the name of Nihlus' attacker at the time of the incident?"

"Remember be truthful," the asari spoke up quietly before they could answer.

"No."

Both Alenko and Ashley also answered negatively.

"I have no further questions."

"I have a question for you, Commander," the asari smiled softly. "You seem to have suffered an attack when you found the beacon, before it was destroyed. In your report you claimed to not remember anything of it. Has anything come to you?"

Kenyon searched Anderson. He shook his head slightly.

"No, ma'am," she answered.

"That is unfortunate," she replied, and Kenyon had a feeling the asari knew she had lied. "I have no further questions."

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko," the turian spoke again, "you were second in command on the ground mission, is that correct?"

"Yes, sir."

There was a strength in Alenko's voice, that gave Kenyon strength.

"And would you say that Commander Shepard lead the team to the best of her abilities?"

"I would, sir," he answered without hesitation.

"Even though the mission was a complete failure? Even though she not only lost one of her own crew but the Spectre assigned to her as well? Even though the beacon itself broke when she arrived to its location?"

"Yes, sir," Kaidan clenched his jaw before he was tempted to say more, and cause any more damage.

"And what about yourself? This isn't the first time you have been around when a Spectre Agent was killed, is it? In fact -"

"Enough," Udina barked out. "Lieutenant Alenko is not on trial here. And his past has nothing to do with this case."

"How do we know this?" the turian demanded. "I find the death of another Spectre around this human to be highly suspect-"

"I agree with the ambassador," the asari gently stopped the turian. "You will stop this line of questioning."

Kaidan gripped the railing and breathed deeply.

The one thing that bothered him the most about all this was that she had heard. Shepard. She would know the truth soon. Who and what he was.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams," the salarian picked up the questioning, "you were stationed on Eden Prime, correct?"

"Yes, sir," she answered. "And if not for the Commander and Lieutenant I would be dead along with everyone else. I owe them my life."

Ashley's words made Kenyon smile, though she knew they would do nothing to help.

"Yes, Chief Williams," the turian hissed, "you watched your whole squad die around you did you not? Or were you too busy running? You abandoned your brothers and sisters to save your own life. Do you know what my people call soldiers like you? Cowards. And worse, traitors. Your words are as empty as your actions-"

"You bast-," Ashley started forward. Anderson grabbed her arm and held her back.

"You go too far," Udina yelled. "This woman is not even on trial."

The asari stepped past her brother Council members, and held her hands up in a universal sign of peace.

"I agree, this has gotten out of hand," she gave the turian a look, "I propose we adjourn for today." She folded her hands before her. "You will await our judgment in the human embassy."

At the bottom of the steps Ashley turned to Kenyon with a humorless smile.

"That went well, wouldn't you say?" she asked. Kenyon laughed. "Hey, look on the bright side. We're not in handcuffs."

Not yet anyway, Kenyon thought.

She looked over at Alenko. He had been even more quiet than usual. And his calm seemed to be fractured.

She couldn't help but wonder at the Council member's words. And what they had meant.

* * *

**Next chapter: the search for the truth...**

**I feel I should throw in a disclaimer about now. I love Garrus. I adore Garrus. And I think Kenyon might have a tiny little crush on our new turian friend. But it does not mean anything. No triangle. No cheating. Nothing. Well... maybe a jealous Kaidan. This is, will remain, and will always be a Shenko fic. If I pair Garrus with anyone (I haven't decided yet) I can promise it will never be Kenyon. Pinkie swear.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: thank you for reading, following, and reviewing. And again, sorry for the long delay in posting. This fic might be limping but it's still alive.**

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Kaidan removed his shirt. The medi gel had taken care of most of the bruising. He stretched his shoulder and winced. His muscles were still sore though. And there was a mild electric burn across his ribs that the medi gel had been unable to heal. He lightly touched the burn with his fingertips. The area tingled beneath his touch similar to a biotic burn.

He doesn't remember where or when he had received it, but he could guess. The beacon. He closed his eyes. He could still feel its energy flowing in him.

It reminded him of the time he found himself caught in the woods outside of his parents' home during a bad thunderstorm. It had caused a surge in his biotic energy. And the power had been more than painful – it had been ecstasy.

And it had almost killed him.

This felt different, but it still had him worried.

His head felt heavy, the back of his neck ached, and even the dim light of the bathroom was bothering his eyes. A migraine was coming, and a bad one, he knew.

He opened his eyes and leaned over the sink to look into the mirror. A thin bright ring surrounded his irises. He sighed in relief. Although he knew – and feared – the day would come when the ring would spread.

Kaidan removed something from the pocket of his armor, and held it in the palm of his hand. A single syringe wrapped in plastic.

He had taken it when Dr. Chakwas wasn't paying attention. He hadn't planned on it... it had just happened. He hadn't even planned on using it.

He clutched the syringe in a fist. He hated this feeling of weakness.

He carefully broke open the wrapper, rubbed the back of his neck where the implant was, and held the syringe up. But before he could use it a tremor in his hand caused him to lose his grip.

The syringe shattered in the sink and a drop of blood splattered against the broken glass.

Kaidan closed his eyes and fought the wave of dizziness.

And he remembered another time of broken glass and blood.

He had been fourteen. Quiet and shy he didn't make friends easily. And because of his secret he had a hard time keeping the few he had. He was lonely, though he never would have admitted it to anyone. His only escape was through reading, and he dreamed of freedom out among the stars.

But at that moment he was setting the table for dinner.

For Sakura Alenko dinner was sacred, and the dining room was the Alenko's temple.

It was the one time of the day when the family came together – most days the only time.

Dinner may have been his mother's favorite time of the day, but Kaidan's favorite memory of home would always be coming home from school to the smell of his mother's cooking. And the taste of a warm snack before his father came home.

Kaidan motioned his fingers and lifted one of the spoons without touching it. He gave it a spin before laying it next to its plate.

He wasn't supposed to use his powers like this. He wasn't supposed to use them ever. And if his parents caught him he would be in trouble. But he didn't care. It felt too good.

It was freedom. And power.

He lifted a fork and pushed it away from him across the large table. But it slipped from his control and shot to the side. He was too panicked to do anything except watch as the utensil slammed into his mother's china cabinet, and fell to the floor.

If the dining room was a place of worship, the cabinet, and what it held, was its heart.

The porcelain plates inside had been passed down to his mother from her mother, as they had to his grandmother. From mother to daughter for over two hundred years.

They seemed like something from not only a different time but also a different place. They were beautiful. Delicate and fragile.

When he had been a small boy he used to believe that the blue painted cranes on the plates represented what the true bird looked like. And in his imagination they had been as big and fierce as any dragon. In his dreams it was only the cherry blossoms surrounding the great beasts that had kept him safe.

He had thought the plates had the power to transform food into special magical dishes. And wondered if that was where his own powers had come from.

When Kaidan discovered the truth he had been more disappointed than relieved.

One day, when the magic was gone, he asked his mother why she never brought the plates out.

'They are too special to use, my kokoro', she had answered him.

Her answer had made him feel sad, though he had not known why.

Kaidan rushed to the cabinet, and searched for any damage. There had been none that he could see, or feel with his fingers. He sighed in relief.

He bent down to pick up the damning knife.

"Kai, what is this?"

Kaidan turned around quickly in guilt.

His mother stood in the doorway holding an electric tablet in her hands.

Sakura Alenko was a small petite woman with a classic beauty, and a hidden strength.

'A strong wind will break you if you fight it, my kokoro,' she would tell him. 'But if you accept it, it never will.'

'If I surrender to it, you mean,' he had replied after an argument with his father.

'You cannot fight the wind and win, my kokoro.'

Maybe not. But he could try.

To her though, he would always bend.

"What is what, kaasan?" He hid the fork behind his back, ashamed of breaking his promise to her once again.

"I just received a notice from your school," his heart stumbled at her words, though he didn't think he had done anything to get into trouble. "Something about a permission form for a camping trip?"

"It's nothing," he sighed, "only a class trip."

His mother's eyes looked at him sadly, eyes that were so much like his own.

"You know you cannot go," she reminded him softly.

Kaidan knew it. But he didn't have to understand it.

He should have let it go. But he hadn't. And he couldn't change what he had done.

"It's only for one night," he argued, gripping the fork between his fingers. "I'll be fine."

"Kai," his mother frowned, "remember what happened last time you went out in the woods?" She stepped forward and reached for him. "I almost lost you."

Kaidan looked down in shame. He remembered. And he remembered how much he had hurt her. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Everyone else is going," he added softly.

But he couldn't. He would never belong. Would never know what it felt like.

"You are not everyone else, Kaidan," she told him. "You're-"

"A freak," he whispered.

"Special," she corrected.

"I don't want to be special."

He just wanted to be normal. Like everyone else.

"Kaidan, no one can know what you can do," she reminded him. "They will come and take you from us. They will lock you up. And we will never see you again. Is that what you want?"

He couldn't look at her. And his eyes had drifted to the china cabinet. He would always wonder if it what happened would not have if they hadn't. Had it been chance? Destiny? Or something else?

But Kaidan had finally understood.

The threat had always been enough to scare him. But not then. Not ever again.

"What would be the difference? I'm locked up now."

He was too special to be let out. Angry tears had burned his eyes.

"Kai- you don't mean that."

His mother reached for him, but he jerked away from her.

"No," he choked. He could feel the power within him gathering, and he couldn't stop it. Maybe he hadn't wanted to.

Suddenly broken glass burst around them.

His mother tried to cover him but the blast of power pushed her away.

Kaidan was blind, and the first thing he heard in his ringing ears was his mother's scream.

And when his sight returned he saw her on the floor surrounded by her destroyed heirlooms. She was kneeling, rocking back and forth, and silently crying into her hand.

"Kaasan," he whimpered, and reached out to her, not sure which one of them he thought to comfort. She flinched away from his touch, and he felt as broken as the destruction around him. "I didn't mean to-"

Kaidan sobbed.

He hadn't meant to, he tried to convince himself. But he knew. There had been a part of him that had meant it. He had been so angry, and it had happened so fast-

His mother lifted her head, but wouldn't look at him. There was bright blood along her cheek from a thin cut.

"Your father will be home soon," she had said without emotion. "You shouldn't... stay in your room until I talk to him." She started to pick up the pieces from her family's history. "I'll tell him... it was an accident. You didn't mean to. You were playing and... you knocked into it-"

His father would know, he knew.

He had done this.

He had been wrong. He wasn't a freak.

He was a monster.

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**I had this scene planned out for the start of this chapter but it took longer than I expected it to, so I'm letting it stand alone. I wanted to show a bit of why Kaidan is the way he is. I think I like how the chapter turned out. The storyline will get back on track in the next chapter. And there will even be a bit of humor. Would you believe me if I promised good times are coming for Shenko? Eventually... **

**Yes. Momma Alenko is Japanese. I have no knowledge of the language so I relied on google. Kokoro should mean heart, so she calls him, 'my heart'. Kaasan should be an informal way of saying 'mother'. And Sakura, her name, should mean 'cherry blossoms'. If there is an obvious mistake feel free to tell me and I'll fix it.**

**Next Chapter: Bankers and Whores. =)**


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